HOME ALONE – introduction Isolated and lonely: we can do better than this

It came as no surprise to me when the Angus Reid Institute reported earlier this month that the number-one thing most people are looking forward to, once pandemic-prevention measures are lifted, is a simple hug. 

After all, we humans are social animals, and we ache because we are not allowed to shake hands, to hug, or to hold anyone but the family members with whom we live. No e-facsimile can replace an encouraging pat on the back, let alone a warm embrace from a loved one.

For me, so-called social distancing (it’s now physical distancing, right?) has boxed me in at exactly the time I would normally have cooed and cuddled with my newest grandchild, born April 5, and given my ever-more-fragile father a gentle hug on his 92nd birthday, celebrated April 20.

Don’t feel sorry for me. I’m fine. There’s actually a far larger and more important issue at stake: the unknown impact that the widespread quasi-quarantine is having and will have on members of our society, especially those who were already isolated and lonely.

This is no small problem. Loneliness and isolation are growing, and with them grow adverse physical and psychological impacts. And no amount of hyper-connected, 5G wizardry can take the place of physical presence and physical contact.

We’ve been seeing the problem worsen for decades now. It’s one of the reasons a little group of us at St. Joseph’s Parish in Port Moody started the Easter Flowers project more than a quarter of a century ago. Now called Blooms into Rooms, the project’s aim is to cheer up the sick and the elderly on Easter weekend by bringing them flowering plants, homemade greeting cards, and a bit of companionship. It’s also an important way we “bring to life” the Prayer for Reverence of Life.

Our teams visited 1,200 seniors a year ago, and we were making plans to visit 1,500 this Easter when we had to cancel the whole 2020 campaign because of the COVID crisis. How sadly ironic: at the exact time when the sick and the elderly were most vulnerable and could have most benefitted from some love, they were denied it.

Our increasingly fractured and isolated society was on my radar several years ago when, as a member of Coquitlam City Council, I wrote a report for my colleagues and senior staff with a proposal to help bring our community closer together.

Three troubling trends needed addressing, said the report: growing isolation of seniors; barriers to integration of new Canadians; and the rise of the “gig economy,” which meant the loss of traditional workplace communities and the corresponding isolation of workers.

My proposal was to enhance and tie together programs that the City already had in place, with the overarching goal of increasing a sense of belonging. If Vancouver could aim to be the greenest city on the planet, why couldn’t Coquitlam become the city where you best belonged? I even came up with a slogan: “Coquitlam: You belong here.” 

Alas, after two years of internal discussions, reports, and even the hiring of an outside “facilitator,” the idea ground to a halt, reasons for which were stunningly varied and don’t warrant elaboration in this space.

The coronavirus crisis can and will worsen all the problems I identified above. At the same time, though, the crisis also seems to have led to a recognition that isolation, lack of community, and loneliness are real problems. One hopes that such recognition endures once the crisis ends. 

I will be doing my part to keep the issue in the public eye in future issues of The B.C. Catholic as I examine these problems in greater depth and suggest ways to address them.

Meantime, it’s back to Zoom, Signal, and FaceTime for me as I embrace, not my friends and family, but pale imitations of human contact, all while humming the tune to Where Two or Three are Gathered.

Terry O’Neill is a journalist and parishioner at St. Joseph’s, Port Moody.