Journey toward the Church ‘felt like I was fighting a battle’

I once heard a story about an eagle egg placed in a chicken nest. The eagle grew up thinking it was a chicken, pecking at the dirt and clucking. Sometimes, he would flap his wings and rise up farther than the chickens, but because he thought he was a chicken, he acted like a chicken. One day, he saw a majestic eagle in the sky and asked the chickens about it. “That is an eagle, king of the birds,” they said. “But you’re a chicken; you’ll never be able to fly like that.”

This story mirrors my own journey.

I grew up choosing to be without faith, which is a difficult thing to do. I often felt bad about things I did to people. At times, I was so proud I never saw beyond the tip of my own nose.

I thought that something black could be called white, and something white could be black. At the age of 18, I went to a psychiatric ward in a Vancouver hospital where I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, possibly from drug-induced psychosis.

Eventually, I left my parents’ home in California and went to New Orleans, where I lived a homeless existence.

A year later, I was back home, a wild rover, shell-shocked and delusionally afraid of my parents. I was institutionalized for another 18 months.

Somehow, at the end of it all, I saw a light. I knew I wanted to follow Christ, not in the unserious way I had treated him before, but in a deeper way.

While in recovery in my parent’s home in California, we would sometimes visit churches and temples, looking for a spiritual solution to my problem of addiction and chaotic living.

In 2019, I connected with a wonderful psychologist who I immediately took a liking to. Not only did we share a first name, but he was also originally Canadian, like me.

I grew to like the plan he had for my emotional health through following a spiritual path. I could easily relate to him because he was so open-minded and, at the same time, a devout lifelong Roman Catholic.

God began to reveal more and more to me each day, and I developed an interest in Catholicism. I picked up a book at a thrift store I volunteered at – Thomas Merton’s The Seven Storey Mountain. I generally had trouble staying with one book, but I couldn’t put it down. I prayed through the passages that meant the most to me. Last June, while still reading the book, I started going to church steadily.

I had never felt before the way I felt when I was in Mass. I asked the priest for a blessing after every Communion. It felt like I was fighting a battle, just like the one I fought on the streets and in the institutions. Only this time I saw victory in my sight.

I started going to Holy Rosary Cathedral to attend RCIA, it was engaging learning Christ’s message. During Lent, I started volunteering with Catholic Street Missionaries, praying with the homeless and poor people on Vancouver’s streets. I loved beyond words the look of a person who really appreciated having someone pray with them.

I could have volunteered there for the rest of my life. But God’s plans are amazing. I got a job with Catholic Street Missionaries, and around the same time, my father suggested we go to Spain to do the Camino de Santiago pilgrimage.

From the homeless on the street to the pilgrims on the Camino, it has been so amazing making connections with people. I never believed my life could be as stable and as fulfilling as it is.

I have been Catholic for more than a year. I sponsored three men at the last Easter Vigil and will sponsor another in this year’s RCIA. I still volunteer with Catholic Street Missionaries often and am back at school studying for a business diploma with the intention of discerning a postulancy with the Dominicans at their St. Mary’s community in Vancouver when I finish school. My favourite thing to do is spend time with my best friend, the Lord, and my life, Jesus Christ, in adoration. I cannot thank him enough.

Each day now I think about how I can trust in Christ more. He is all for me – more than I ever was for myself.

Jesus, I completely trust in you. Take care of everything!

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