Couples at peace as pandemic strips weddings down to essentials

Cancelling their wedding reception and trimming the guest list to 29 from 160 was “devastating” for Francesca and James Rodrigues, but in the end they say God was the perfect wedding planner.

The Catholic couple married at St. Clare of Assisi Church in Coquitlam just a few weeks after COVID-19 started making international headlines and a few days after the Canadian government banned all events with more than 50 people.

For Francesca and James, the restrictions meant stripping their March 21 wedding to the bare minimum. Instead of hosting a large crowd of friends and family at a luxurious golf resort, they had an intimate ceremony, a first dance in the church parking lot, and were home in time for dinner.

Now spending their honeymoon in self-isolation, the couple say getting married in a pandemic was challenging but also pointed them toward the true value of marriage.

“We kept praying throughout the week,” said James. “When I talked to God, it felt like he was removing everything. He was stripping away the reception, he was stripping away the crowd, he was stripping away the choir. He was stripping away all the things we would like to have, but not what is essential at the wedding. At the core of the wedding is her, me, and God.”

And, he realized, he was at peace with that.

Francesca realized she hoped a wedding in the middle of a pandemic would offer hope to friends and family – those who were able to attend, and those who were not.

“Of course we would love to have a great reception and celebrate with all these people, but we put our hope in something greater than this life and God has a good plan for us,” she said.

Their wedding “was about what we had said we believed marriage to be about from the very beginning, which is the sacrament that we experience in front of God, agreeing and vowing to be together and love each other, and that our marriage would not only be good for each other but for the world.”

Meanwhile in Vancouver, Angel and Devin Kruchio were facing the same crisis. They were engaged just before Christmas 2018 and started preparing to host 110 guests at St. Patrick’s Church, then at a reception in Langley with hired decorators, coordinators, photographers, and even a photo booth.

They could not have predicted that just two weeks before their wedding, their plans would be drastically altered.

“The week from March 16 to 20 was so intense,” said Angel. When the federal government placed a ban on gatherings over 50 people, she was shocked.

“I didn’t want to postpone. That was not an option for me. As long as the church was going through with it, I was okay with that, because I always wanted to get married in a church,” Angel said. She asked Devin for his thoughts.

“Honestly the only thing that really stuck in my mind was that we planned so long for this day and I knew I couldn’t wait another day to be married and joined with my partner for life,” he said.

“If anything could be done to have our wedding on that day, I would do it. It wouldn’t matter how much stress it was or how much work it would be, I wanted to make sure that day was special for us.”

On their big day, they also went ahead with a downsized wedding. They were married at St. Patrick’s with 32 witnesses, all standing two metres apart and some armed with pocket sized hand sanitizers, then hosted a smaller group at an intimate reception in a family member’s backyard.

“It was perfect that day, despite the circumstances,” said Angel. “The love and support of our families was there and God was there with us. That was the most important thing for me.”

When this is all over, she added, they hope to celebrate in the Philippines with some family members and friends who couldn’t join them. And maybe go on a honeymoon.

The COVID-19 outbreak is also affecting the way engaged couples are getting ready for marriage. Sharon Goh, head of the archdiocese’s marriage preparation program, said all courses since March 21 have moved online.

The same material is now available through live online conferences on a platform called Zoom. After six weeks they will assess its success. “There are new challenges and new opportunities,” said Goh.

Archbishop J. Michael Miller, CSB, said in a video message April 1 he is praying for couples getting married during the pandemic.

“I understand that the marriage externally in terms of numbers of people will be much more restricted than you had planned, but you also know that the one guest who will for sure be there is the Lord,” he said.

“I want to congratulate you and I invoke upon you the many blessings of Almighty God as you begin your life together. The Lord is with you. He is blessing you, as do I.”