Warning: contains mention of suicide
I once tried to complete a 50,000-word fictional novel in 30 days. I got halfway through and gave up. I wrote about a character who experienced trauma and holed up in her riverside home. Her family tried to help her come out of her depression and fears. They encouraged her to have a doctor to speak to regularly. Her sister had an upcoming wedding and really wanted her to be there. I wasn’t sure how this story would play out.
Writing a genre that I really had a passion for was a better idea. I started writing my memoir instead. It was a long and healing process that I delighted in producing. It took me 10 years to write my story. It took less than a year to decide to scrap my first manuscript and to put 50 articles together from The B.C. Catholic, edit it, and then publish it. Now it’s available at amazon.ca/Arise-Shine-Live-ebook.
I dedicated my book to my cousin Michele who died of suicide. I grieve her loss and want to remember her life. I pray for her soul that she may have peace and rest.
She was one of the most generous and caring women I knew. She would fly my sisters, cousin, and me over to Toronto to hang out with her son for a couple of weeks in the summer when we were teens.
With Michele and her son we laughed till we cried. We dressed up in hilarious outfits at a thrift store. We drove through huge puddles in torrential rain. We had dinner parties and enjoyed music together.
We were thrilled to spend time with her. She was both our friend and our adult chaperone. She was a connector – bringing us to see our aunt and uncle and cousins.
Michele was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. After that, I never got to see her again. It was a struggle for her. I believe she was in great pain. If only she was still here. I miss her terribly.
Knowing I can pray for her soul is some relief.
Recently Sanctuary Mental Health Ministries released a video series called When a Loved One Dies by Suicide. It was created by Catholics for Catholics. You can view the trailer at sanctuarymentalhealth.org/when-a-loved-one-dies-by-suicide.
It is a great resource to be watched as an individual or in a group setting.
In Brandon Lake’s son Don’t You Give Up On Me, the lyrics that stand out for me are “The darker the night gets – the brighter the light hits.” We don’t know what good will come to us in the next moment. And we must seek to find comfort in Jesus who suffered tremendously. He knows our pain. He knows our suffering and wounded hearts.
Even when we give up, the Lord doesn’t give up on us. He holds us in his hands. I’m so grateful for his understanding and his love for us that goes beyond time as we perceive it.
When someone you love is in a dark place it’s a hard cross to carry. We can’t carry it alone.
I’m reaching out to family and friends when I grieve. And I also allow tears and sadness to wash over me. Giving my emotions space, I choose to find hope in the situation.
Jesus wants us to experience joy and we are made to be with him in his heavenly kingdom. He gives us the means to find hope and healing in our lifetime. There is grief in losing our loved ones and there is joy knowing that there is life after death.
Writing has always been a source of calm, comfort, and creativity for me. In it I find a garden to talk to God and process what I’ve experienced. Writing about my cousin Michele helps me to remember her and trust in God’s expansive love.
Praying to Jesus about my sorrow is consoling. Everyone’s journey of grief is different. We are not alone in our struggle. We can call upon the communion of saints, our family, and friends to accompany us.
Let us pray for the souls of our dear beloved ones. And for God to bring them home to him.
Lisa Rumpel’s podcast The Will to Thrive: Stories of Resilience is available on popular streaming services.
