This time of year can be a rush of spring cleaning, making preparations for summer travel, planning gardens, etc. If there is a high‑school or university graduate in your household, that adds another dimension of preparation—and maybe even some stress—to the usual busyness. Big decisions need to be made about the future, a seemingly incredulous task for parents who blinked that proverbial blink and watched their child go from diapers to diploma in what seems like a flash of time.
We’ve had our three oldest children leave home in the last two years. It was a major flurry of activity and departures in a short time. While there was sadness in saying goodbye, there was great comfort in knowing their destinations were the result of careful prayer and discernment.
Our society seems to have a certain expectation of young people when they complete their high‑school degree and face the possibilities life offers. New grads are offered specific options not unlike the board game Life, where you have to stop at a space on the board and choose a career, with a salary based on whether or not you have a college degree. Generally, grads are funnelled into the university system or into training for a trade. There isn’t anything wrong with those choices, but how many teens are prayerfully considering their future plans?
Catholics have to make life choices differently and not necessarily follow the “acceptable” routes set by the secular world. The onus is on parents and children, both together and separately, to prayerfully discern what God’s will is for them. Parents should guide their children in this practice, which should be a learned behaviour from babyhood. If families are used to praying together and making decisions with the help of prayer, then it should come naturally to children to do the same as they reach these major decision‑making moments in their lives.
When a young person reaches the mid‑ to late‑teen years, they need to be entrusted with dialoguing with God about their own life. Of course, a child under 18 is still dependent on parents for most necessities and must respect parental advice and authority, but they also must grow into spiritual maturity by learning how to discern God’s will for themselves.
Parents must ask themselves if they truly have given their child the tools to properly discern God’s path for them. Have they been given opportunities to think about the possibility of a religious vocation, for example? Have they ever gone on a prayer‑filled retreat with time to contemplate their calling?
Do your teens know the value of spending time before the Blessed Sacrament, preferably during Eucharistic adoration? Do they know they can have heart‑to‑heart talks with Jesus about his plans for them? Do they know they can express to him their fears, worries, and anxieties about the future?
It’s not up to teachers, guidance counsellors, peers, or social media influencers to help your child decide what choices will shape adulthood. Sometimes those people might have good ideas and help inspire a child to pursue a certain path, but if that path is not what God wants, that child will inevitably end up restless and unhappy.
There are many great examples of saints and modern‑day priests, religious sisters, and lay people who pursued lofty education and careers only to find themselves unsatisfied until they turned to God’s plan for their lives. One great testimony is the life and vocation story of former professional soccer player Fr. Chase Hilgenbrinck, who regularly counsels young people to consider God’s call carefully. If you have a young adult in your life, send them his talk from the 2025 SEEK conference:
https://youtu.be/8ZCqYYK1_4w?si=T9mFTaKNj5Nefx5n
Parents must also be careful not to steer their adult children in a specific direction simply because they think it is best. Sometimes parents even fall into the trap of an “if I’m paying for your education, you’re going to do what I want” attitude, which can result in wasted time and money and, worst of all, resentment. There is also great value in a young adult paying for their own education or training, even if that means delaying goals in order to earn money first.
We’ve told our children many times over the years that God entrusted them to my husband and me for a reason: to help them get to heaven someday. The best way to do that is to help them figure out God’s path for them.
Lazzuri writes from her home in Nova Scotia, where she lives with her husband, three of her six children, and her mom. She can be reached at clarelazzuri@gmail.com.
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