Film on male abuse overcomes hurdles, gets welcomed in First Nations communities

Making a film about male sexual abuse wasn’t the easiest decision director Jeremy J.* ever made. 

The Surrey-based filmmaker faced significant funding struggles getting The Cost of Silence made that he believes stem from the difficulty of the subject matter and society’s reticence to take men’s suffering seriously.

Even more challenges came when it came to distributing the film, and at times it was difficult to keep pushing forward, he said.

Then he offered it to more than one hundred First Nations friendship centres across Canada. The response has been a stark contrast from the strong cultural currents of apathy that typically greet the topic of sexual abuse of men.

“To say they were thirsty for this knowledge is an understatement,” said Jeremy. “It was gratifying to talk to these communities.” 

Jeremy sent The Cost of Silence to 46 friendship centres, which serve as community centres for First Nations populations, providing family resources such as counselling programs for community members struggling with drugs and alcohol.

There are two editions of the film, which comes with a training program to Indigenous communities better understand the issues surrounding men suffering from sexual abuse. The Healer’s Edition addresses misconceptions about male survivors of sexual abuse, examines ways that addiction can be viewed as a trauma symptom, and offers resources to assist counsellors and help workers suffering burnout from hearing difficult stories. The Preventative Justice Edition focuses on preventative education initiatives. 

Jeremy says he has personally received positive responses from recipients. 

“One woman took the DVDs home and watched all 13 hours,” he said. “She appreciated the help it gave her to understand the complexities surrounding male survivors – the knowledge that male survivors are out there; and understanding the scope of the problem.”

Jeremy said many centres appreciate the male-centric view of the resources that help empower men to come forward and seek help. 

“These survivors become the pillars of society that everyone else leans on,” he said, noting that one of the men he interviewed went on to be a counsellor, while another became a paramedic. 

He’s also grateful for the support of the Archdiocese of Vancouver, one of the only organizations to offer funding for the project, which gave him start-up funds through Project Advance several years ago. 

“I can’t crowdfund [through Kickstarter or similar platforms] because the people who are affected by [sexual abuse] don’t want to talk about it, and the people who aren’t affected don’t really care,” he said.

Despite a slow start, Jeremy is grateful for the contribution, saying “If it wasn’t for [the archdiocese] this would have been dead in the water.”

The Archdiocese provided about $50,000 for the distribution of the film, part of the $2.5 million pledged toward the Canadian bishops’ $30-million Indigenous Reconciliation Fund.

“It speaks profound volumes to me that … the Church stepped up to support a gay man’s project about sexual abuse,” he said. 

That support offers hope that positive change can be made as a society, he said.

“That is how we move forward as a society. We may not agree on everything but can agree on this.”

Jeremy is waiting for responses to his requests to other Canadian dioceses for funding. Anyone interested in supporting his work can email him at [email protected].

*The B.C. Catholic agreed to use Jeremy J.’s artist name to allow his family to remain anonymous.

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