Let me tell you it’s tough going to the beach with five sons. Now, if you don’t take the virtue of modesty and purity seriously, or you assume it’s unrealistic that young men do, this article will annoy and frustrate you. But if you, like me, know that your sons and husbands truly want to grow in virtue and want to look upon women with dignity, respect, and brotherhood, read on.
So, we live near a nice little beach. The water is shallow enough, it is completely surrounded by trees, and there is a beautiful pathway around its perimeter. My oldest, Andrew, walks around it, Nicolas times himself canoeing across, and the rest of us swim. Well, to be honest, the rest of them swim. I sit in the sand. Eventually I put my feet in. If I don’t shudder from the temperature I might go in a little further. I usually make it in about five minutes before we leave. But all the time I spend sitting in the sand has given me a realistic summary of the situation: there’s a superfluous amount of flesh at the beach.
No, I don’t think the human body is disgraceful. No, I don’t want to wear a bonnet and pantaloons at the beach. No, I don’t think every bikini is evil. No, I don’t think women should be intentionally unattractive. Actually, it’s because I have a high regard for the dignity of the female body that I even dare to write about this. The Church teaches that our bodies are beautiful and good – sacred, even.
But the fact remains, there’s a superfluous amount of flesh. And I’m talking about the skinny ones, the not skinny ones, the young, and the old. And it needs to stop. Please. Now. Somewhere, someone told someone else that less was more, and in this case, it really isn’t.
I don’t see too many men in Speedos these days, so unfortunately the conversation is between us ladies. There isn’t much I can say about modesty to the fellas, except that I’m sorry for the lack of it on our part. But more about that in a minute.
The superfluity comes in two types. There are the 99.9 per cent of us who are not supermodels, and the few who have paid to look like they are. And both are undignified and embarrassing in a G-string strapless V-plunge bikini. The female form is beautiful in all its natural, healthy shapes and sizes and deserves to be treated as such. This just ain’t happening at the beach.
But it matters because it is more than just tacky and undignified. It also harms the men I spoke about at the beginning. You know, the sons and husbands we care about who are trying to live a life of virtue?
In June, an American priest tweeted, “Please help the priest to protect the purity of the men at holy Mass by choosing to dress modestly.” He was attacked with such vitriol, as a sexist and blame shifter, that he had to shut down his account. I’ve heard men attempt to ask this favour before, and they all receive the same reply: “How dare you insinuate that your problems with sin are because of my wardrobe?”
Obviously, every woman should be safe from sexual harassment, no matter what she’s wearing. Men are given as protectors to women. They are meant to be their holy brothers, defending their honour. So, if they have an obligation to respect and honour us, don’t we have an obligation to do the same to them? A man should be able to go out swimming with his family and not end up in the confessional for lust.
It is proven that a man can see a pornographic image once, and it will be forever in his mind. Just one image, and a lifetime addiction can begin, destroying a marriage and family. Can we please get real? This isn’t about harassment of women, it’s about temptation to lust. It is simplistic and pretentious to say a woman can wear (not wear) whatever she likes, and men just have to “deal with it.”
Listen, I’m not here to distinguish between what makes or breaks the rules of modesty. We can look in the mirror and our own hearts to decide. But it is a physiological truth that men are more visually sparked than women, and so their struggle in chastity is a real struggle. We can’t sneer that reality away. And if we care about the men around us, and if we truly believe in our own dignity and authentic beauty, we should dress like it. Sometimes, a little more is more.
