‘I Am Third,’ but it’s not easy

In many of the buildings and gathering places at Madonna House in Combermere, Ont., there are signs that read “I Am Third.” 

This oft-displayed saying of the community’s foundress, Servant of God Catherine Doherty, is a constant reminder that God needs to be first, our neighbour second, and ourselves, third. If we are to live in a way that is ordered and in keeping with the commandments, this order needs to be sought and preserved.

But it’s not as simple as it sounds.

In speaking with a seasoned member of the apostolate, a very important distinction was made for those trying to live out the saying (perhaps often in vain). Patrick Stewart, an artist and longtime lay member of Madonna House, emphasized that unless we know that “we are first in the mind and heart of the Father,” we will struggle relentlessly to put ourselves third.

If we find ourselves dutifully putting ourselves third but instead of Christ’s peace, we are filled with resentment, anger, and judgment, we have yet to discover the very personal love of the Father for us.

Making a true gift of ourselves is only possible insofar as we know ourselves and our worth. Otherwise, giving our time, talent, and treasure—even to those we love—can feel like extortion. But if our giving comes from a heart that is well rooted in knowledge of our deepest identity, the giving becomes something that flows forth from us in a current that is beyond our capacity to conjure up ourselves.

This is a welcome relief. After pondering these words, it becomes more difficult to stay sitting in the guilt and frustration that results from our personal failings. In trying and repeatedly failing to put God first, our neighbour second, and then ourselves third, we can become discouraged and bitter. But Patrick’s musings flip everything into a different focus.

Instead of living out of a Nike ad (Just Do It!), we can live out of Our Lady’s Fiat. She did not exhaust herself but rather, she let herself be filled and lived out of that. Our Lady is our model for fruitful service. Once we are filled with the love of God, everything becomes rather simple. As simple as a handwritten wooden plaque on the rustic walls of a Madonna House outbuilding.

In this year of Jubilee, go right to the crux of the problem. Why not go right for the bull’s-eye and ask God the Father for a profound gift this year? Ask the Father for the unique grace of experiencing his single-minded love for you and for the gift of seeing his relentless quest for your well-being and for your heart.

Once your identity is secure, loving God and neighbour is the natural response to being fully known and fully loved. We are then able to extend the same courtesy to even the least lovable of our neighbours.

Your voice matters! Join the conversation by submitting a Letter to the Editor here.