Going to Mass with three kids 3 years old and younger is a challenge. My husband and I slide into a pew, each holding a newborn twin, with our three year old and a bulging backpack of clothing, diapers, toys and books between us. We settle in, aiming to engage our toddler while placating two wiggly babies and trying not to distract anyone.
By the time the Gospel reading is over, the 3 year old can’t sit still anymore, the babies are fussing, and we are trying to catch scraps of the homily between cries, whines, and constant needs. Rarely can we go up for Communion together. Often, we go home wondering if bringing the circus to Mass made much of a difference.
It’s not impossible to go to Mass with kids, but it is a challenge not for the lukewarm or the seriously sleep deprived.
I’m incredibly grateful to the people who have made participating in Mass easier for us. Those thoughtful gestures have included smiles and thumbs up, offers from trusted people to hold a baby, and placing a bookshelf with children’s books at the back of the church.
I recently asked some moms of young children what would help them keep coming back to Mass through these challenging little years. Here’s what they are asking for.
Not every parish has a crying room, and some that do could use an upgrade. Good quality speakers would make a world of difference, as would a soft rocking chair and religious books or toys. If your family has outgrown these items, maybe they could find new life in the crying room.
If a crying room isn’t possible (and some families prefer not to use one anyway), one mom suggested reserved space at the back of the church. A parish she attended saved a couple pews at the back for families, so those needing to pace with a stroller or young child, or those coming in late with little people who have no sense of time, could easily find their place.
“The times our family have felt most welcome at Mass are when other parishioners and ushers go out of their way to be welcoming and encouraging,” said one mom of six. “Compliments on how well the baby/kids behaved (even if it wasn’t actually all that great), saying how good it is to see them in Mass, high-fiving the kids and getting to know their names, holding doors for little kids or moms with their arms full, change tables with bags for dirty diapers, are all active ways any parish can welcome families. Most importantly, welcoming us into the body of the church and not expecting all families to default to a crying room when they have young children.”
Liturgy of the Word with Children is a huge help for families looking to engage their children, but it’s not always available everywhere.
One local mom shared that her family enjoyed a weekly children’s Mass at a Catholic church in Ireland. Every Sunday, one of the Masses was limited to 40 minutes and its choir and readers were all children. The readings and homily were simple, and a slideshow helped keep kids engaged.
The priests generally keep their message concise and try to keep it simple enough so the children can understand and connect … The Mass was always packed. You could hardly get a seat.” (Her mother-in-law designed this service and her family would be happy to share resources if anyone is interested in offering something similar.)
Support from the pulpit also makes a huge difference. A simple welcome to children at the start of Mass goes a long way. One mom shared a fond memory of a priest, a “big grandfatherly man,” who would say with a smile, “let the babies yell; I can yell louder.”
At St. Andrew’s Cathedral in Victoria, one mom was surprised and pleased to find a card in every pew with a message for parents of young children. “Relax! God put the wiggle in children; don’t feel you have to suppress it in God’s house,” it began. “If you need to leave Mass with your child, feel free to do so, but please come back.”
Other events can also help young families feel at home at Church. Mom and Tots groups, such as the one in St. Joseph’s in Langley, are making young moms feel welcome inside and outside the church building. Though young families should start Mom and Tots groups this themselves, parishes can support them, starting by offering coffee and space for them to meet.
A mom of two shared two ways St. Patrick’s in Victoria did this spectacularly. The weekly moms group was blessed by parish grandmothers. “The grandmas fed the kids snacks, read them stories, organized crafts, played with them, and us moms got to go to another area of the church and talk without kids for an hour. My kids loved the grandmas and looked forward to going every week, especially as their own grandmas were a province away.”
The parish also hosted a monthly family gathering. “After dinner together, usually some teens would chase the younger kids or watch a movie with them and the parents would gather in another area to discuss an article on parenting or marriage. It built community for all of us. We made good friends there and the parish felt like home and our kids were welcomed and knew lots of other people there.”
Another mom also suggested child minding, volunteer or subsidized, as a great help to parents who are eager to participate in parish events but unable to afford or schedule babysitters.
Our Church needs young families. We need to see those tiny faces in white baptismal gowns grow into young men and women who will love God and their neighbours, evangelize, become sisters and priests and mothers and fathers with more babies. We want young families to keep coming back, and to do that, we need our churches to welcome young kids and their stretched parents with open arms.
To those who have worked hard to make the Gospel accessible to kids and welcomed them to Mass with open arms: thank you.
To the parents of young children struggling to get to Mass every week: well done. Jesus wants you here.
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