Kids are asking tough questions these days. What do you do when your child comes to you with, “Mom, how come Sally has two dads and no mom?”
What about, “Why does Billy get to have two Christmases, one at his mom’s house and one at his dad’s? That’s not fair!”
Or, “What do I call my friend Michael now? He says his new name is Michele.”
Are you comfortable sitting down with your child and giving them age-appropriate information that explains Catholic teaching on moral issues? Is your default setting to change the subject or send the confused child to ask Dad or Grandma? If you’re like me, you’ve had more than a few moments of panic wondering how your children’s souls will ever survive the current spiritual bombardment.
I think there’s a general consensus that being a kid (and a parent) is harder these days. The issues kids have to face are more serious, confront them at younger ages, and are increasingly at odds with Catholic moral teaching. More than ever, Catholic families have to be well informed on what the Church teaches about these issues that are pressing in on our children. Parents need to know the answers when the questions come, so that children will know the answers when their friends, peers, and teachers confront them on what they believe to be true.
Thankfully, help is here. I just finished reading Made This Way by Leila Miller and Trent Horn. The book’s subtitle was music to my ears “How To Prepare Kids to Face Today’s Tough Moral Issues.” Published in 2018 by Catholic Answers Press, our local Catholic bookstore just started carrying this gem, which, in my opinion, should be read by every Catholic parent.
Based on 2,000 years of solid, Catholic moral teaching, plus thousands more years of natural law, Miller quotes Scripture, the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and Church documents, while sharing related anecdotes from her experience of raising eight children and now imparting her wisdom to grandchildren.
Horn is a father of two young boys, a convert to Catholicism, and a well-respected apologist author, radio host, and researcher of Catholic morality.
The aim of the book is to combat moral confusion through teaching children the proper order of things through natural law.
Miller and Horn systematically address common modern topics, first by explaining the natural law and Catholic perspective of the issue, followed by guidance on talking with young children about it, and then lessons on talking with teens. Topics include sex outside marriage, “same-sex marriage,” divorce, contraception, abortion, reproductive technologies, modesty, pornography, transgender identity, and homosexuality.
While explaining today’s hot-button issues from the perspective of natural law, the authors also deconstruct many of the lies that surround these issues. Miller insists that Catholics, and especially parents teaching their children, must know and use proper, truthful definitions that provide clarity on what things are and what their purpose is, as God intended. If children can understand what their bodies and souls are created for, there is a lot less confusion.
We can even use this logic on toddlers. When the two-year-old hits his brother, a parent can firmly tell them that God gave us hands to do good things with, to help people, not to hurt them.
The same is true for teenagers who are tempted to engage in sex outside marriage. While sex within marriage between a committed couple leads to unity, and likely children, premarital sex can lead to many consequences a young person is not prepared for – a child, disease, emotional attachment, and emotional harm to one or both parties. Sex outside of marriage is not the proper use of a sexual relationship and is an example of distorting the true meaning and purpose of a beautiful gift from God.
The authors recognize that we are in a “cultural minefield” that can have us shaking with fear of the ramifications if we dare speak the truth. Miller encourages parents to stand up for the truths of the faith. “If you ever feel sick to your stomach or embarrassed to share a ‘hard saying’ of our Catholic faith (even to fellow Catholics), please pray and push ahead anyway, speaking the truth in love. God is always ready to honour our feeble efforts!”
The chapters on modesty, pornography, and transgenderism are especially timely as some Catholic parents struggle to keep up with changing “norms,” especially if their kids attend public schools. Miller and Horn consistently promote compassion for all souls, even those who promote lifestyles contrary to Catholic teaching. But compassion and charitable dialogue do not mean toleration of activities that lead people to destructive behaviours or endanger the souls of children.
Made This Way is like a how-to parenting manual that gives Catholic parents practical tools for navigating today’s cultural minefield of raising children. These tools remind Catholic parents that we have a duty and authority, by virtue of our baptism and our children’s baptisms, to teach our children right from wrong and good from evil, so we hopefully rejoice with them in heaven one day.
As Miller states, “I cannot stress enough that parents must form a child in objective truth from the youngest years. We don’t get to determine what is true based on our feelings (me, me, me); rather, truth exists outside of ourselves (God’s created order), and our job is to seek truth, to find it, and to conform our lives and our wills to it.”
Lazzuri writes from her home in Nova Scotia, where she lives with her husband, six children and her mom. She can be reached at clarelazzuri@gmail.com
