When I was asked by a group of Confirmation candidates to share my faith journey, I had to really stop and think. I am what is known as a cradle Catholic. I was baptized when I was around three weeks old. My parents took me to Mass each week, even when we were on vacation or when there were sporting events or good shows on television (we didn’t have streaming or personal video recorders!). We prayed before every meal and before bed every night. I went to Catholic school and made my First Communion on May 2, 1976.
Essentially, my faith journey began the moment I was born (or as I now believe, it began in my soul before my body was even conceived); however, I was unaware that my faith life involved personal awareness, self-development, and faith seeking understanding until I was about thirteen years old.
As an only girl in the family, I had a room to myself. This afforded me significant time to read, write, knit, and reflect. I said my night-time prayers, but I didn’t really regard any other time in my room as praying until I started to think about a little voice that seemed to have always been in my head.
I often spent time with my inner thoughts, imagining myself in different situations and dreaming of my future. I also ruminated on feelings of guilt and worry. The voice in my head often replayed difficult moments and conversations over and over, trapping me in worry until I realized that that voice was more than just my own.
Around the time of my Confirmation, I received a copy of the poem “Footprints” (author unknown), and I began to discover that my thoughts were guided by the voice of God. I remember the exact moment that this dawned on me. As I looked out my bedroom window, it was as if a lightbulb were instantly turned on.
From that moment onward, I realized that my conversations “with myself” went far beyond me. I began to view these moments as dialogue with God and turned to him when I was worried, afraid, or unsure. I didn’t always do a good job of this and still tended to think I was in control of everything, but I remember that I began to look forward to going to church. This led to my desire to volunteer in my parish, becoming a lector and eventually a music minister. The draw to being “in communion” with God enabled me – independent of my parents – to make Mass a priority, even when I had social plans, went away for the weekend, or had to work a Sunday shift.
I continue to practise my faith, but I am not a perfect example of faith. I lose my temper. I become overwhelmed and frustrated. I forget to talk to God and try to do things all on my own. I am human; however, I know that God created me and reveals himself to me every day.
God is there for me when I have hopes and dreams. God is there in the family and friends who support me, laugh with me, and help me. God is there in nature when I go for a walk. God is there when I have big decisions to make, or when I have made mistakes and need to apologize to someone.
God’s voice is the one I hear in my head. He inspires my thinking and, when I open my heart to him, he helps me debrief and process. God gives me signs of his presence, and even though these signs are not always easy to see right away – and sometimes his message is not what I want to hear – I strive to open my eyes and ears to God.
Knowing that it is God’s voice and not my own that I must listen to has changed my life and, in sharing my story with those Confirmation candidates, I was reminded that my journey in faith continues.
I grew up with religious rituals and habits which have been maintained and passed on to my own children, but within those rituals is an ever-growing relationship with the God who loves me and accompanies me on every step of my life’s journey.
