My friend from the hospital let me know she is moving to the island. No more outings and hikes together unless we meet over a ferry ride. When we hiked in Minnekhada park, I could see her love of nature. Her patience with my slower pace. We were getting to know each other at our best. I feared not getting the chance to get together as much.
The Lord is patient with me too. Every time I turn away from him, he invites me back. He loves me at my best and my worst.
Our last meeting together was a walk along the seawall on an afternoon promising rain. I felt a feeling of excitement for her new chapter and at the same time it was bittersweet. I would miss our long walks and chats. We reminisced about our shared experiences from the hospital. We talked about the therapy that worked, the hobbies we had taken up or put down.
“Even in adversity there can be joy in the assurance that the Divine Master Himself died through the cross as the condition of His Resurrection. Joy can be felt in both prosperity and adversity,” wrote Archbishop Fulton Sheen in Way to Happiness.
There are days when I struggle with anxiety more than others. It takes a physical and emotional toll.
And I am resilient. I know when to take a cooling off period or to keep going. Comfort isn’t guaranteed. “Only God is guaranteed,” as Peter Kreeft writes in Heaven, the Heart’s Deepest Longing.
I need the mindset of Christ. The resurrection mindset. No one comes to the Father except through him. There is no way I can do anything on my own steam. I don’t want to have a self-help kind of faith but a deep trust in the Lord’s provision. I seek to do well what I feel God is calling me to do in my work, play, rest, and relationships. I make plans, and I am willing to change them when the Lord shows me another way.
In adoration one morning, my stomach growled like a tiger. This then fed into my prayer. “I am so hungry and poor, Lord. I need your love to fill me up. Please take care of all your people and the dear ones close to me. Lord, I will always hunger for heaven. I want to take the road to heaven. Lead me. Show me what it’s like to be fully alive. Transform my pain from the last year into something beautiful.”
The Lord always supports us. Recently I moved back to the city, and I felt completely provided for by him in all the details of the move. Jesus gave his all using every muscle in his body to carry the cross and to give up his life for us.
My response is gratitude and joy. Especially because he broke the chains of sin for us. His resurrection is the power of God. How can I not be joyful?
I know that there are great things in store for my friend who is moving to the Island. There are seasons for friendships and others that last lifelong. We walked a path of pain together. We have different mental health struggles and paths of healing. I found healing in companionship.
Jesus was not a stranger to pain and anguish. Betrayed, he suffered and died. Mental illness can weigh heavy on the person who suffers and on those who love and support that person.
Finding a support group or therapy, or someone to talk to can be helpful. “The remedy for fear is trust in God,” wrote Caryll Houselander in The Reed of God. “If we fear for ourselves or if we fear for others, it is all the same: trust in God is the only remedy.”
I have a freshness in my heart and soul now that spring is here with the promise of Easter joy. Jesus’ new life assures me that I can trust in him. I have risen from the pain of the past year and found a new chapter to write.
In the early mornings as I prepare for the day, I am grateful for another one. My days are numbered, and I don’t know when my time is to go. Knowing that this life on earth is passing and that heaven is eternal, I live with my heart open to the Lord. I offer my weaknesses and my talents, hoping he can make me into a holy woman.
Jesus has won the victory over death and over generations of mental illness. I continue to pray for healing for my family and the families of the world. Without his sacrifice we couldn’t know this joy of salvation. I believe in miracles. And I hope to see them in the lives of my family, friends, and colleagues.
Lisa Rumpel’s podcast, The Will to Thrive: Stories of Resilience, is available on popular streaming services.
