St. Thomas Aquinas and the Greek philosopher Aristotle recognized there are three kinds of friendships: friendships of pleasure, friendships of utility, and friendships of the good.
Aristotle observed that both friendships of pleasure and utility quickly dissolve, whenever the pleasure or the utility no longer remains.
Friendship of the good is virtue-based. Two real friends are mutually dedicated to the pursuit of virtue, which is what makes their friendship true and lasting.
St. Francis de Sales said, “Mere earthly friendships are not apt to last, their origin being so frail that the slightest contradiction chills them. But this cannot happen to those friendships which are built up in God, and which are consequently strong and lasting.”
St. Catherine of Siena said, “If you place a cup beneath a fountain and keep it there while you drink, it will never be less full, drink as you will; but take it away, and you will soon empty it. The same is true of our friendships … do not withdraw them from their real source and they will never become empty.”
We should strive to graft the higher love upon the lower one, and to love for God’s sake those whom we already love with a natural love. With love and sacrifice, and with the help of divine grace, friendships of pleasure or utility can be elevated to friendships of good.
St. Francis de Sales strived to practice charity to all people. He said, “One should have a tender, gentle, kindly loving heart toward one’s neighbor, particularly when he is offensive, because then we love him for Christ’s sake alone … a more perfect love since it is free of earthly motives.”
St. Francis de Sales loved and forgave his enemies. He cared for the poor and had great respect toward the sick.
He wrote to a sick person: “While I think of you sick and suffering in your bed, I regard you with special reverence, and as worthy of being singularly honoured as a creature visited by God, clothed in His apparel, His favoured spouse. When our Lord was on the Cross He was proclaimed King even by His enemies, and souls who are bearing the cross (of suffering) are declared to be queens. Do you know why the angels envy us? Assuredly, because we can suffer for our Lord, whilst they have never suffered anything for His sake. St. Paul, who had been raised to heaven and had tasted the joys of Paradise, considered himself happy only because of his infirmities, and of his bearing the Cross of our Lord.”
The saint believed that prayers offered by those who are in suffering, though they be short, are more efficacious than any others. He said to the sick person: “I entreat you to be so kind as to recommend to God a good work which I greatly desire to see accomplished, and especially to pray about it when you are suffering most acutely: for then it is that your prayers, however short, if they are heartfelt, will be infinitely well received. Ask God at that time also for the virtues which you need the most.”
Charity is exercised in fraternal correction. St. Francis de Sales said, “Those who are in authority are bound to correct those who are in fault. But when they have to tell unpleasant truths, these should be softened with charity and loving-kindness so as to take away the sting. Otherwise the result will be defective and the admonition will not fulfill its intended purpose. You may take it as a certain sign that your charity is not genuine if your words, no matter how true, are not charitable.”
The honey of gentleness is much more effective than the vinegar of harshness. St. Francis de Sales said, “The human mind is so constituted that it rebels against harshness, but becomes perfectly tractable under gentle treatment. A mild word cools the heat of anger, as water extinguishes fire.”
愛德提升友誼
聖道茂和希臘哲學家亞里斯多德皆認為，友誼有三種：嬉娛的友誼、功利的友誼，和純善的友誼。
亞里斯多德觀察到，當嬉娛和功利不存在時，這兩種的友誼便隨之快速消逝。
純善的友誼植根於道德上，使雙方的交往在道德上發展，讓友誼真誠、長久。
聖方濟.沙雷教導：俗世心態的友誼不會是長久的，它的根基是如此荏弱，即使是絲毫的摩擦，足夠搆成衝擊。但在天主內建立的友誼，並不會是如此，卻是強健而恆久。
聖嘉琳比喻：假如在泉水下喝水，你可盡情去喝，然而，你的杯子常會保持滿溢；當你步離水泉時，你杯裡的水很快被喝光。我們的友誼與此無異 ── 不要把友誼移離真正的源頭，讓它變得乾涸。
我們不要把內心的愛停留在自然的激發性上，要設法把愛接上敬愛天主的情操，像把次等的東西提升一樣。把愛摻和著犧牲精神，藉天主的聖寵，可以令嬉娛及功利的愛，提升至純善的愛。
聖方濟.沙雷常努力在人際上實踐愛德。他說：「即使我們感到被冒犯，我們也應該對人要常保有一顆柔腸善德的愛心，因為我們只因愛基督而愛他 ── 沒有半點俗世的意圖，而是完美的愛！」對抱有敵意的人，聖人仍能去愛和寬恕，也關顧及尊重貧病的人。他曾致函一位病者，寫道：「當我想到你在病榻上的苦痛時，特別向你表達敬意；因為天主以獨特的方式陪伴著你，替你穿上猶如祂新娘的服式。當吾主在苦架上時，反對祂的人居然亦稱祂為王，那不是那些陪伴著祂受苦的靈魂，等於是祂的王后嗎？你知道連天神也會嫉妒我們嗎？那當然！我們可以為基督受苦，他們卻沒有這福分。聖保祿曾被提上天上淺嚐樂園的福樂，他卻只因他的病弱和背著吾主的十字聖架為樂。」
聖人相信苦痛中的祈禱，會更見神益。他對病者說：「請為我一些極渴望完成的事情上祈禱。特別在你感到異常痛苦時，請把這意向呈上天主；那怕只是短短的祈禱，你的誠懇仍會被天主無限地接納；同時，也為你所需要的聖德祈禱。」
兄弟情誼中的指正是愛德的表達。聖方濟.沙雷讓我們明白：對錯誤作出指正時，我們就是把令人不快的真確說出，那我們的說話，應該是充滿愛德的柔言善語，免去對方那刺透感；否則會弄巧反拙，達不到規勸的初衷；我們説話無論怎樣正確，若沒有仁慈，便標誌著你還未達到真實的愛德。
溫良的蜜總比嚴厲的醋，往往容易受歡迎。聖方濟.沙雷重申：「人的腦袋，天生與苛刻對抗，但對柔順，則容易臣服。溫和會安撫怒火，有如水能滅火。」
