St. Josemaría Escrivá said, “Jesus suffers to carry out the will of the Father. And you, who also want to carry out the most holy will of God, following the steps of the Master, can you complain if you meet suffering on your way?”
One of St. Francis de Sales’ most frequent sayings was: “He who complains, seldom does so without sinning.”
The saint said that our self-love always magnifies unduly any wrongs done to ourselves, weighing them in the most deceitful of balances, and applying the most extravagant epithets to things which if done by us to others we should pass over as not worth a thought.
St. Francis de Sales believed that even a just complaint involved a certain amount of self-love, and that continued complaining over one’s personal problems is a positive proof of our being too tender on ourselves and too cowardly.
Bishop Jean Pierre Camus, a disciple of St. Francis de Sales, wrote, “An ungreased wheel makes the most noise in turning, and in like manner, he who has the least patience is the first to grumble.”
Regarding continued complaining, St. Francis de Sales said, “We must abstain from a but little noticed, yet most hurtful imperfection, against which few people guard themselves. This is, that when we are compelled to blame our neighbour or to complain of his conduct, which should be as seldom as possible, we never seem to get done with the matter, but go on perpetually repeating our complaints and lamentations; a sure sign of irritation and peevishness and of a heart as yet destitute of true charity. Great and powerful minds only make mourning about great matters, and even these they dismiss as quickly as possible, never giving way to passion or fretfulness.”
According to Bishop Camus, even though St. Francis de Sales frequently warned people against complaining, the saint did not consider it at all wrong to claim from a court of justice, quietly, calmly, and dispassionately, reparation of injuries done to our property, person, or honour. It was also the wish of the saint that when sick we should state what ails us simply and straightforwardly to those who can help us. Moreover, we are not forbidden to complain under great sufferings of body or mind, or under great losses.
Bishop Camus wrote, “Even God, the All-Perfect, does not refrain from pouring forth His complaints against sinners, as we know from many parts of Holy Scripture. We must then in this matter preserve a just medium, and although it behoves us sometimes to suffer in silence, yet at other times we must make known our sufferings, since that suffering is truly the most wretched which, amid torments, has no voice. The Son of God, the pattern of all perfection, wept and cried aloud at the grave of Lazarus and on the Cross, showing that He pities our sufferings and shares our griefs. The measure of our complainings must be fixed by discretion, which St. Anthony calls the regent and ruler of the kingdom of virtues, appointed to guard it from the encroachments of sin, ever striving to gain dominion there.”
Closely connected to complaining are self-accusation and self-excusing. St. Francis de Sales said, “Do not accuse or excuse yourself without proper consideration. If you accuse yourself without reason, you will become a coward, and if you excuse yourself without reason, you will become bold and overconfident. Work away in true simplicity and you will realize a quiet trust.”
At another time, the saint said, “The man who makes false excuses actually accuses himself most forcibly. But the man who accuses himself in true simplicity and humility deserves to be mercifully excused and lovingly forgiven.”
因埋怨而犯罪
聖若瑟瑪利亞、施禮華說：『耶穌為履行天父的旨意而受苦。而你也想履行天主的至聖旨意，要跟隨你的主人，在履行途中遇到了苦難你可以埋怨嗎？』
聖方濟各、沙雷氏一句最常說的話：『埋怨的人很少不因埋怨而犯罪。』這聖人譴責的埋怨是近乎咕噥的。他說我們的自愛時常不適當地誇大了一些對我們的傷害，以最騙人的天秤去作衡量，並冠以最鋪張的修飾詞；可是如果這是我們對他人做的，這卻是不值一提。
聖方濟各、沙雷氏相信甚至合乎正道的埋怨也有一些自愛，而不停的埋怨一己的問題，都是一正面的證據說明我們呵護自己和太怯懦了。
聖方濟各、沙雷氏的一位門徒，加繆主教寫道：『沒有加潤滑油的車輛轉動時，產生最多噪聲，所以，同樣，最少耐性的他，是第一個抱怨的。』
有關持續的埋怨，聖方濟各、沙雷氏說：『我們應該避開一樣不為注意的，但卻最為傷害的缺點，同時很少人都能作好防範。當我們本應是盡可能避免的，但卻不得不去責備我們的鄰人或埋怨他的作為，我們好像永遠不能了斷這問題似的，卻不斷地重複我們的埋怨和悲歎，這是惱怒和壞脾氣的一個真的標記，擁有的是一顆從未有過真愛的心。偉大的和有力量思維的人只在大事情上作哀號，甚至如此也要盡快停止，不要被感情或煩躁所佔有。』
根據加繆主教說，雖然聖方濟各、沙雷氏經常告誡不要埋怨，這聖人並不認為這是全部錯的，就是在它靜默地，冷靜地，不為情緒所影響用於公正的法庭上，補償我們財物，人民和尊嚴的公義時候。聖人亦願見到當我們病的時候，我們應該向幫助我們的人簡單和直接地講述是什麼困擾著我們。再者，在身體或思想受到大的苦痛或在大的損失時，我們的埋怨是不會是禁止的。
加繆主教寫道：『甚至天主，至完美的，在聖經在我們所知的不少的章節中，也埋怨罪人。因此在這事項上，我們要能持守恰到好處，雖然有時適宜靜默地受苦，但是有時我們也要讓人知道我們的痛苦，因為在折磨中不作聲的苦是最折騰的。天主聖子，所有完美中的模範，在拉匝祿的墳墓和十字架上流淚，呼喊，給我們知道祂同情我們的痛苦和分擔我們的悲傷。埋怨的衡量應謹慎規劃，聖安多尼稱之為德行王國的掌權或統治者，任命去保守它不為罪惡慢慢地侵佔、經常奮力去奪取的領域。』
與埋怨緊密相連的是自責和自辯。聖方濟各、沙雷氏說：『不要在沒有作適當考慮後去自責或自辯。如果你無理地自責，你變了位懦夫；如果你無理地自辯，你變了膽大和過份自信。持久投入真的純樸你便明白什麼是靜寂的信靠。』
在另一次，這位聖人說：『那人作出假的自辯實際上是在最有力地指控自己。但那人以真的簡單和謙遜指控自己卻值得慈悲地原諒和可愛地寬恕。』
