A few years back, when my youngest son was just starting to put sentences together, I found him standing in front of the closed door to the closet where he knew I kept, among other things, treats and candy for special occasions. I asked him if he needed something, and he said something like “Is the rent over yet?”
It took several guesses before his six-year-old sister was able to decipher what he was really asking, which turned out to be “Is Lent over yet?” All his toddler brain understood about Lent was that he couldn’t have any candy until it was over and, gosh, it was taking a long time to be over.
Sometimes, as adults, I think we have the same attitude towards Lent. Ash Wednesday arrives, we dutifully go to Mass and get our ashes, abstain from meat, eschew snacks between meals for the day, and commit to some plan to give up coffee, sweets and/or screen time, or add some works of mercy to our schedule. We treat Ash Wednesday like it’s the Catholic New Year, time for self-improvement resolutions that we may or may not keep. Then, not far into the 40 days, the journey becomes nothing more than a countdown and our inner toddler starts asking, “Is it over yet?”
As humans, we tend to turn everything we do into something about us. The focus of Lent should not be on ourselves. While there’s nothing wrong with “giving up” some pleasures to focus more on Jesus, we have to make sure our motivation is not just bettering our bodies, or even our minds, but bettering our relationship with Christ, and thereby improving the state of our souls.
In the readings we will hear at Mass on Ash Wednesday (Feb. 26), the Church gives us clear direction on how to conquer ourselves right from the get-go. The first reading from the Prophet Joel says, “return to me with your whole heart, with fasting, and weeping, and mourning; Rend your hearts, not your garments, and return to the Lord, your God.”
In other words, as soon as Lent becomes about shedding a few pounds, detoxing from Facebook, or any other self-improvement exercise, it’s time to put the brakes on and remember the words of Joel. Seasons of penance are about the heart, a place in which only God and I can dwell. Nobody else need know about my sacrifices, penances, prayers, and almsgiving. Lent is about delving deeper into the mystery of God’s sacrifice for us – Jesus’ suffering in the agony of the garden, the road to Calvary and, finally, on the cross. Our gaze should be locked on Jesus until we forget about ourselves, our whininess, our complaints, and our superficial goals. As we contemplate his ultimate sacrifice of giving up his life for us, we should begin to desire to imitate that sacrifice and lay down our own lives for our family members, friends, and even strangers.
The Gospel for Ash Wednesday, from the sixth chapter of Matthew, goes on to say: “Take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may see them; otherwise, you will have no recompense from your heavenly Father. When you give alms, do not blow a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets to win the praise of others. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right is doing, so that your almsgiving may be secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you.”
Matthew is telling us that the key to transforming our hearts this Lent is humility. How can we practice and teach the importance of such humility for our families this Lent? Obviously, frequent prayer, attendance at Mass, and confession should be an essential part of our Lenten journey. Another practical way is to have a crown of thorns in your home as a visual reminder of Christ’s sacrificial love and our duty as Christians to pick up our crosses and follow him.
A homemade “crown of thorns” is made of salt dough and baked with several toothpicks stuck in it, representing not only the thorns that drew precious blood from Jesus’s head, but each sacrifice your family members will make during Lent. For good instructions with visuals on how to make a crown of thorns, go to threesidedwheel.wordpress.com. Place the hardened crown in a prominent place such as a mantel or dining room table, and every time someone makes a Lenten sacrifice, they take out a toothpick. Every time a toothpick is removed, the penitent is reminded of the need to join Christ in his suffering, to suffer with him, and do what we can to console him through acts of love and penance for others.
If your family is used to having a crown of thorns in the house for Lent, focus on humility this year by removing the thorns anonymously. Have all family members keep their Lenten penances secret so we can be sure that we are not looking for the glory of a good deed done. Of course, small children will need help with this and won’t necessarily understand the anonymity aspect, but they will catch on eventually. Perhaps it will help to read the first reading and Gospel from Ash Wednesday once a week during Lent to remind the family to stay focused not only on Lenten practices but also on doing them quietly and humbly. Review the corporal and spiritual works of mercy as a reminder that we are to seek out Christ in everyone we meet and that everyone we meet should see Christ in us.
By Easter, when the crown is free of thorns, it can be used as a holder for dyed Easter eggs, symbolizing the glory of the Resurrection and the beauty that has grown out of sacrifice. And this year, a few weeks after Ash Wednesday, the adults and children in your house will not lose focus and start to wonder when Lent will be over, but will be eagerly seeking out humble opportunities to remove thorns from Jesus’ crown and return to the Lord with their whole hearts.
Lazzuri writes from her home in Nova Scotia, where she lives with her husband, six children, and her mom. She can be reached at clarelazzuri@gmail.com.
