The average lifespan of a Canadian adult is 81.1 years. Even if I use the statistical average for Canadian women, which is 83.3, I’m still more than halfway there.
At this season of midlife, I think it’s normal to think about death, especially when we are dealing with aging and sometimes ill parents, perhaps not feeling as spry as we used to, or watching our birth year slip further and further away on those computer-generated date rolls. Throw in a global pandemic and there’s no shortage of food for thought.
The season of Easter should remind us that going down the road of contemplating life and death should not be a scary journey. With death comes resurrection, just like Jesus showed us. Without the constant reminder of Easter, the road is too dark and too sad.
We recently got word that my father-in-law needed to be put into hospice care in his home. We weren’t sure that we would even make it in time to see Nonno (Italian for grandfather), but amazingly we were able to stay with him for 10 days of talking, laughing, crying, eating, and praying. All of my husband’s siblings and most of the grandchildren were able to be together with their dad and grandfather, enjoying each other’s company and helping him make the transition to palliative care.
When it was time to go home, it was difficult and sad to leave Nonno and the environment of love and care that surrounded him, but we left knowing that the time with him was an incredible gift from God. We don’t know whether or not we will see him again in person in this life, but because we are Christians and Easter people, we have infinite hope in the Resurrection and we know this life is not the end.
I observed my children, aged 4–18, closely as they spent what might have been final days with their grandfather. I remember being around 20 when my grandmother died at Christmas time. Her death was sudden, and there was not time to tell her thanks or gather around her bedside and journey with her. My kids are too young to really remember my father’s death in 2008, and we were en route to see my ill mother-in-law when she died 11 years ago. I was so glad they had this opportunity to witness their grandfather’s final days, to see him weakened and frustrated by times but still making jokes and poking fun.
They also saw him vulnerable in some moments, trying to come to terms with his difficult prognosis. They witnessed his spirit of generosity when, at a time when many people would shelter in place and just spend time with immediate family, he graciously accepted many visitors, who in turn generously brought food and offered assistance.
Watching all this, I couldn’t help thinking what an important life lesson this was for my children. They now know, from personal experience, that life is not to be taken for granted. And, thank God, their faith gave them strength and consolation, knowing their grandfather also believes the resurrected Jesus waits for him in glory. There was sadness, of course, but it was illuminated by the light of Easter hope. Even with his weakened body, Nonno was showing my kids how to live one’s last days, anchored by faith.
We have always believed that our kids need to share in the tough moments involving the death of loved ones. If kids experience natural death from a young age, there is not so much scariness and mystery surrounding the process. If children are also taught that death is part of life and that our Easter story is the story of Christ’s victory over death, they will be better equipped to deal with death throughout their lives.
Sure, there will still be tears and pain. That’s perfectly normal because we are human. If we start to feel anxiety or fear creeping in when faced with the idea of death, or even dealing with a loved one’s impending death, it helps to think of the Resurrection. The promise of eternal joy contained within the Resurrection can be a key component to our peace of mind.
Hand-in-hand with the promise of the Resurrection is our complete trust in God’s goodness and mercy. God can only give us good things. He is only capable of love. That doesn’t mean we won’t suffer, but it means that out of that suffering can come good.
It’s hard to suffer. It’s hard to watch others suffer. It was hard for Mary and the disciples to watch Jesus suffer and die such a cruel death. But consider the incredible good that came out of his suffering. He has walked the path before us and showed us the way to the Resurrection. If we can place our complete trust in him, our journey towards death, whether alongside someone else or on our own, will be a lighter burden to bear.
Of course, our faith teaches us that frequent confession is one of the best ways to keep our souls in a state of grace and therefore prepared for death at any time. My father-in-law set this example, too, going to confession while he was in the hospital and continuing to receive the sacraments at home. The Church also reminds us of this need with the Feast of Divine Mercy, reminding us of the importance of trusting in God’s infinite mercy.
It’s not that death can or will come easy. It certainly didn’t for Jesus. But holy week ended in Easter, which was Jesus’s focus and should be ours. Here we are in this 50-day season of Easter, preparing on earth for what we were made for: heaven. God placed each of us in this time and place for a reason. He gave us the season of Easter, contained within the beginnings of spring and signs of new life, for a reason. Even nature is reminding us that life is our focus.
In the words of the Apostle Paul: “‘Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy victory? O death, where is thy sting?’ The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Cor 15:54-57).
Lazzuri writes from her home in Nova Scotia, where she lives with her husband, six children, and her mom. She can be reached at clarelazzuri@gmail.com
