Since the beginning of January, I have been enjoying a new video series called Meet the Bulmans, found on Bishop Barron’s YouTube channel. The show follows a young family that has just welcomed newborn twins to its busy household with four older children. While I’m exercising, I love to hear the endearing stories Rachel and Jason Bulman share of their children, but most of all, I love to listen to them navigate their deeply spiritual lives through the vocation of parenthood.
My children are older (and I only have four to their six – plus no twins!), but in their frustrations and joy I hear a wisdom I wish I had possessed when my own children were small. In Episode 6, “Embrace the Chaos,” Rachel and Jason – on virtually no sleep – expressed that while they sometimes become overwhelmed at the same time, it usually works out that one is panicked while the other is not. Jason said, “We take turns going into this mode of being frantic.” This type of give-and-take is a blessing in any marriage because, while we are all human and all become weary, we benefit from a partner who can ground us in our weakest moments.
On this topic, Rachel went on to describe a gathering they had recently hosted for friends who were about to welcome babies of their own. The night before this event, she had been worrying and frantically cleaning in preparation. Jason, knowing that he had felt the same way on occasion, was able to calm her down into recognizing that she was drowning in tasks instead of caring for the people around her. He stated that, ironically, we often crash under the weight of our tasks before we are finally able to reach a “moment of clarity.”
Rachel’s moment of clarity was in her acknowledgement that she had placed a “false burden” on herself. She was acting under the pressures of the world and acting as if she needed to basically create a fake image of what her life was like for her guests to have a good time in her home. As she fretted over presenting a house which would basically appear as if no one lived in there, Jason wisely reminded her that their “house needs to be a school of family life.”
If they were truly helping other parents prepare to welcome their own new babies, they needed to focus on presenting the joys – which can even be found in the chaos – of life as a family, rather than trying to act like something they were not. They admitted that work increases exponentially with each new child, but they are first called to care for the people entrusted to their care to lead a fruitful and fulfilling life.
I used to have a similar burden. I felt that, because I was a stay-home mom, I had no excuse but to have a clean house, home-cooked meals, and fresh baking on the regular, no matter how many children were in my home. I had the worldly idea that I had to prove to people that having a larger family wasn’t too much for me and that I could handle everything. I often became very task-driven at the expense of enjoying the everyday moments.
When I went back to work, I suppose I still felt that I needed to prove that I could “do it all.” Come on! Is there anyone who can actually do it all? Furthermore, who was I trying to impress? Probably myself. Certainly, the people who come to visit don’t come to check out our clean sinks. They come to see us!
As our children have grown older, many of the tasks which used to rest on my shoulders have now been lifted and absorbed by others. Yet, if I am honest, I’ll admit that I do still have some task-driven anxiety. This is why I appreciate the gift of Lent.
Six weeks of Lent give me the chance to confront the burdens which weigh me down. In a particular way, I confront my spiritual life and focus on prioritizing tasks and goals, as God calls me to.
This Lent, I aim to take the advice of Jason Bulman and focus on making my home “a school of family life” – a school in which I am simultaneously teacher and student. The world may place importance on appearances; Lent stresses the importance of being real.
Meet the Bulmans can be found at wordonfire.org.
