It makes sense that many of us struggle with disciplining our children in a way that is consistent, fair, and loving. But what about discipline for ourselves?
If you take a look around, how well do you think we are doing when it comes to disciplining ourselves? Do we quickly lose heart and abandon personal goals? Do we have the heart to begin making positive changes in a concerted way?
Five-time NBA champion and devout Catholic Kobe Bryant said he had “never broken a promise to himself.” When he made a plan to get up at a certain time each day, or when he decided to commit to a certain exercise routine, he wrote up a contract with himself and signed it.
This kind of steadfastness and integrity doesn’t just appear out of the blue. Someone loved Bryant enough to inculcate hard work and dedication into the fabric of his being. Someone loved him enough to say, “do it all over again, and aim higher” instead of “good enough.”
Often, as parents, we carry guilt for not being the parent we hoped to be for our children. In the effort to not let them down further, we cave on our own resolutions and we let them wear us down.
The truth is that “the Lord disciplines the one he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.” The word discipline derives from the Latin, discipulus, which literally means “to learn.” To truly teach someone is to discipline. We all know the outcome when children are not taught how to act from a young age. The proof is in the classroom pudding.
To discipline with consistency and with love requires us to take a searching inventory of our early lives and our relationship to discipline. Some of us were taught to behave a certain way out of fear of our parents exclusively or out of emotional manipulation. Not many of us were taught how to act out of charity for our neighbour or as an act of worship and righteousness.
To discipline a child (or oneself) is a profound gift for everyone around us and constitutes an investment into the future (your children’s future spouses will thank you!). It is also a way of giving God his due by putting ourselves in the right order from the inside out.
It may take some time to find our groove with disciplining our children. In fact, for those of us who may have had a distorted experience of punishment and discipline, it may take quite a while to learn how to discipline through the lens of relationship. One thing is for sure, if we put in the slightest effort out of love for God and love of his laws, God will multiply the fruit.
The most important thing is to celebrate together when everyone sees growth and to ask for forgiveness when we’ve missed the mark. There is so much to be said for humility and a sense of humour. The gifts of the Spirit will lead us into successes we never dreamed would be possible if we will ourselves to persevere. Write up those contracts!
