In working with my confirmation students I have asked them to consider and discuss their personal reasons for remaining faithful to the Catholic Church. Within these conversations, I have also shared some of my own faith story with them, telling them that along with my upbringing, my family, and the sacraments, moments of doubt have contributed to the fact that I remain in the Church today.
As a “cradle Catholic,” I grew up in a faithful home. We attended weekly Mass, prayed regularly, and observed the liturgical seasons and feast days. I attended Catholic elementary school and was confirmed at the age of 13.
Like many children, I may have complained occasionally about having to wake up early to attend Mass, but I had no reason to question what I had been taught within my family – until my late teens and early twenties when outside influences (friends, primarily) questioned my faith traditions and “rules.”
Having never been challenged on my beliefs and practices before, I found myself unsure of how to defend my faith and my Church. In many conversations, I remained silent while insecurities and doubts about Catholicism began to fester within me.
When friends of different Christian faiths invited me to prayer groups and church services, I was always impressed by the amount of Scripture they seemed to know. They often quoted their favourite Bible passages in different contexts and would readily engage in spontaneous prayer.
Embarrassed that I could not do the same, I began to augment my prayer routine by reading the Bible and experimenting with unstructured prayer. Adding “conversations” with Jesus to my memorized prayers, I felt myself developing a friendship with him, which led me to wonder if other Christian religions were opening the door to spirituality for me.
Through this time of discernment I continued to attend weekly Mass. My reasoning for this was probably rooted in the fact that I had always been influenced by the example of my parents and grandparents who were very devout, and I did not want to disappoint them. In hindsight, I am also convinced that my family’s prayers for me probably kept me Catholic, even more than their example.
Influenced by other church services, I found myself concentrating more on what was happening around me while at Mass. I began to deliberately slow down as I prayed my traditional prayers, to focus on the order of the Mass, and to ponder the words I said with the congregation. Being exposed to other traditions and being questioned by others brought me to a point where I knew that if I wanted to worship in the Catholic Church, I had to truly understand what I was doing and saying at Mass.
The sacraments likewise influenced my decision to remain faithful to the Church. As I pondered other Christian faiths, I was continually drawn back to my confirmation, and the fact that I had been sealed with the Holy Spirit and had promised to live a Catholic life. I had a hard time thinking about the reality of rejecting this sacrament.
In attending other churches, I was also given the opportunity to witness “communion services” which were basically re-enactments of the Last Supper, but not Masses. Although I did not fully understand this at the time, I now realize that the Eucharist ultimately kept me returning to Mass; my hunger for the Body of Christ kept me Catholic. Many religions offer spirituality, relationship, and history, but only the Catholic Church offers the richness of communion: both in the worldwide unity of the Mass and in the Eucharist which unites us – body and soul – to Christ himself.
Like the Japanese art form of “kintsugi” in which broken pottery is repaired with gold to return the piece to its original function while highlighting its imperfections as expressions of beauty, our own fragility and brokenness make our stories unique. We gain strength and character when God picks up our pieces and puts us back together again as the people we are created to be.
While doubts had the potential to break my faith, instead they made it stronger. Accompanied by the support of my family and the sacraments, questions – and answers – have gilded the lines of doubt to solidify my beautiful relationship with God and my gratitude for the Catholic Church.
