The month of May is dedicated to Mary, the Mother of God. Growing up, I was taught to pray the Rosary, but I don’t think I truly understood the relationships it is meant to foster.

In university, a Protestant friend found my rosary beads a little intimidating. I didn’t have the words to properly explain the prayers to her and, admittedly, I think her questions and feelings planted some doubts in my own mind as well.

Later, a Catholic friend commented that she didn’t want to “go through” Mary to have a relationship with Jesus. This friend respected Mary but didn’t think it was necessary to pray to her; she preferred to communicate directly with Jesus. Also wanting to prioritize my relationship with Jesus, I again began to doubt the need to pray to Mary on a regular basis.

As a young mother, when I was invited to attend a Mother’s Rosary Group, I was unsure. I declined the invitation a couple of times and then finally surrendered and attended a meeting. I found that I loved the way these women of faith looked to the life of Mary, through the Mysteries of the Rosary, as guidance for their own lives. I attended this group weekly for several years and, through it, I came to see the Rosary in new ways.

First, I realized that since my Protestant friend did not know the “Hail Mary” prayer, she may have found it strange to hear a prayer repeated over and over. For me, while pondering different stories right out of the Bible to the rhythm of the familiar words of the prayer, I found myself imagining Mary’s point of view in the situations of her life with Jesus. As a result, I came to know that I can turn to her when dealing with situations of my own — as a mother and as a woman seeking God’s plan for my life.

Secondly, I realized that I am in no way compromising my relationship with Jesus by communicating with his mother. Mary was a woman who worked, worshipped, and raised a child, as I have done. She faced challenges, pain, and joys, always trusting in God’s plan for the world — and her role in that plan. Mary is someone I can identify with because she is not God; she was a human woman with the experiences of a woman and a mother. She “gets” me, and she wants me to turn to her — not instead of Jesus, but in addition to him, as my heavenly Mother.

This leads me to another statement people of other faiths have made about Catholics and their relationship with Mary. Because we pray to her and even sing songs about her, we are accused of “worshipping” Mary. Like people of other faiths, we believe in the Ten Commandments and that we are to worship only one God. When Catholics “pray” to Mary, we are not approaching her the way we approach God; we converse with her and share our feelings with her, as we would with any other loved one who has died before us. With Mary, though, we also ask her to pray for us.

Our conversations with Mary do not replace our need to communicate with Jesus, as seen in the second Luminous Mystery, the wedding at Cana. Mary recognized the needs of others and communicated them to her Son: “They have no wine.” At first Jesus questioned how this situation affected him, explaining that his hour had not yet come. Allowing Jesus to work on his own schedule, Mary simply told the servers, “Do whatever he tells you” (John 2:3-6). The same is true in our lives. Even now, Mary takes our needs and requests to the Lord and lets him respond to us in his time, but it’s up to us to listen to his instructions.

Praying the Rosary has allowed me to focus on Mary’s life with Jesus, from the Annunciation right until her Assumption into heaven and Coronation as Queen of Heaven and Earth. The more I focus on her journey with Jesus, the more I grow in my own relationship with both of them.

Mary wants to be a mother to us all. She prays for us to know, love, and serve God the way she did. Because of her close relationship with Jesus, she can take our prayers to him, but ultimately we must communicate directly with the Lord ourselves by listening and “do whatever he tells you.”

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