Are you often plagued by guilt to the point of paralysis? You’re not alone. Misplaced guilt is a pronounced problem facing the modern Catholic.
Guilt has a handy and practical function in the Christian Life: it guides us to contrition when a sin has been committed.
However, guilt, outside of its proper place, can stunt the spiritual life more effectively than sin. Sin can be confessed and absolved. Even habitual or grave sins can be recognized for what they are. But misplaced guilt normalizes a wayward, albeit well-worn, pathway fraught with anxiety and distraction. Misplaced guilt also muddles up our experience of authentic intimacy with each other and, tragically, with God.
For example, if we are asked to do a favour for a friend and for one reason or another we cannot, we will often say that we feel guilty. This phrasing is used so much that it has been divorced from its rightful association with sin and justice. This guilt is nebulous and acute at the same time; we can’t pin down its cause precisely, but it still casts a shadow over our entire consciousness.
So how does one go about discerning between holy, God-fearing guilt and the kind of guilt that has scrupulosity and pride at its root?
First, like many other exercises in discernment, the patterns surrounding the appearance of guilt can prove to be a major hint. If the guilt is borne alongside feelings of compulsion, or a desire to neglect one’s duties of vocation in order to try rectifying things in a panic, that’s a red flag. Chances are this emotional climate betrays a guilt that is associated with pride and scrupulosity.
Our constant connectedness through texting facilitates a frantic lifestyle fraught with compulsion and, thus, constant, unrelenting guilt. In a world where we can reach everyone at all times, it feels as though we are never giving enough advice, texting enough, calling enough or being enough. The guilt never ends.
Because relationships are so convoluted and rich in the capacity for both virtue and vice, they are a minefield for misplaced guilt. But if we are seeking the will of God for our lives, it means steadfastly chasing after the faithful fulfillment of our vocation. That must be our first concern.
We have not entered into a sacramental union with our friends, with our mothers or fathers, or even with our children. That isn’t not to say we should never help our friends move or send a birthday card to our godchildren. Of course we should do these things! However, we need to rigorously examine ourselves and the feelings that motivate our decisions.
A good place to start is to allot time each day to connecting with others and to correspondence. The end of the day is a great time for this. This way, any missed connections or opportunities for “pseudo-guilt” will (hopefully) be disposed of before bedtime. While at home, we could also partake in minimal texting. If it’s important, make the phone call. Otherwise, put the phone facedown and interact with your family.
A priest of the Madonna House community once said that the only guilt to which we should pay heed is that guilt which appears when we fall short of God’s vision for our person.
When there is only God’s Will to be sought, discernment becomes very simple. If we are intentional with our time and our mental energy, we will find that God’s Will for the moment becomes easier to discern and guilt will get less airtime.
Christ says, “If the Son sets you free, you shall be free indeed.” Never were more liberating words spoken! To be freed from undue guilt and self-punishment is our lot. May we all claim what Christ has promised.
