When we encounter people whose lives look strange or troubled to us, we can sometimes be perplexed at how to interact with them, let alone have our lives intermingle with theirs. It’s very tempting to stay on our secure trajectory, where most bills get paid and children get bathed.
Warmth and friendliness don’t always come easy, especially for some personalities. On the need for evangelism, we have no shortage of Bible studies or talks in our churches, but for some of us it has to be learned from scratch. We need a primer starting with Conversation 101 – call it holy openness; openness to the other.
Thankfully, it is possible to build bridges to another person quickly and easily. It might take a little courage, but we could ask the cashier if she’s been having a good shift. We can compliment a stranger’s shoes. Or intentionally seek out new faces at Mass and welcome them.
The more we extend ourselves to others in charity, the more we will become more honest with ourselves and also more brave.
In turn, some of these people who might have seemed so strange to us can end up teaching us.
Chief among the lessons is how to be unashamed in our neediness. We often work so hard to cover up any evidence of our being in need that we become really good at it. If we start asking questions of strangers, we need to be prepared to discover our own deficiencies and fear of vulnerability when questions are directed back to us.
The compliments on fashion choices will eventually run out, and we’ll often start to encounter opposing world views. We are encountering the other’s “otherness”: strong opinions on religion; politics we don’t understand; lifestyle or personal choices we find objectionable. This is where we discover we’re in completely new territory and we must borrow the courage (and the heart) of Christ.
In her Little Mandate, Madonna House foundress Catherine Doherty writes, “Go without fears into the depths of men’s hearts. I will be with you.”
It is a fearful thing to knock on the neighbour’s door to express concern for their children. It is a fearful thing to ask another adult if he or she would like to learn how to read, or how to prepare fresh vegetables for supper, or how to take the bus instead of paying through the nose for taxis every day.
We live in an age when there is very little time. We don’t have enough time for family dinner, so it naturally follows that we don’t have time for those on the margins of society on an everyday basis. Designated volunteering is great, but it’s not the same as having a disposition of spontaneous openness to the other. If we are too busy to be Christians, perhaps we are too busy?
Human support and connection can be a powerful motivation for others to make better decisions going forward. Sometimes difficult conversations are necessary. Everyone feels uncomfortable at first, but that’s what relationship is all about, and relationship is the best foundation for growth.
The growth will definitely be mutual.
