World Marriage Day is Sunday, Feb. 9
It’s not often that a girl gets to be her own mother’s maid of honour.
When my mom married Jean-Marc two summers ago, I teased her, giving advice and offering to answer any questions she might have about married life. After all, I had been married nearly twice as long as she was when she was widowed, so there was a lot I could teach her.
In truth, I think all those who witnessed my mom and Jean’s courtship, and celebrated their marriage with them, were the ones who went away with something learned.
The encyclical Gaudium et Spes says “Authentic married love is caught up into divine love … so that this love may lead the spouses to God.” I see this with my mom and Jean. And so, to celebrate World Marriage Day, Feb. 9, I asked her a few questions.
You’ve been single for 40 years. Why get married?
Jean-Marc and I met after morning Mass. I was invited to join him and his friend for coffee afterwards. It soon became a regular thing. We got to know each other a bit and began to walk the local dykes for exercise, enjoying the beauty surrounding us. We talked freely about our faith, our families, our previous marriage partners who had passed on to God, and became quite comfortable with one another.
I was struggling with a family situation and Jean-Marc was very understanding and gentle, assuring me that God had a plan! Neither of us had any idea that we were heading toward the altar!
One evening, about a year after meeting, Jean Marc proclaimed his love for me. Well! That put a whole new spin on our friendship.
We began to grow in our love, but why would we begin to think of a future together that would change our lives so totally at our age? Jean Marc says it was more of a calling from the Lord rather than our own desires and thoughts. Having a good companion and partner to share all facets of life together promoted our decision. (Besides, I sure could use a handyman around the house.)
How is marriage now different than you remember?
Back in the old days, it was a lot about physical attraction, having children, career, mortgage, and concerns about supporting a family of six on one income. But guess what? We did just fine as it turned out!
Now, at this age, it’s easier in a way. We don’t have those youthful concerns and worries about the mortgage payments and how we’re going to pay for new tires for the old jalopy! Also, we’re probably more secure in ourselves. For me, I am able to speak out with more confidence and less emotion when I am frustrated or put out! I know Jean will accept it and still love me. I think maybe I am a little more mature!
What do you feel is the purpose of marriage?
We both know that the main purpose in our love is to bring each other to heaven! Lofty! But true. Also, to be there to support, help, and enjoy each other. When I was recently laid up in bed, Jean was a wonderful caregiver to me, selfless and patient.
How is Jean Marc helping you gain heaven?
Jean has a relationship with our Lord, especially having a love of the Eucharist. He is always open to talk, to pray, to read, to share, to encourage, to enlighten, to discuss, or to calm me with his trust in our Lord when I am worried or concerned or frustrated. He is a good man who shows me God’s love! Thank you, Lord!
We can be Christ for each other by asking ourselves “What would God say, what would God do?”
We can be Christ by our faithfulness, loving and caring towards each other and all that that involves.
How do you feel the Church's teachings about marriage are different than the world’s?
The world would say “If it works for you, go for it. If not, there is always a way out.” The Church believes and teaches that what God has joined together in a marital covenant is for life! Jean says that the world teaches “it’s all about you,” but the Church teaches “it’s all about the other.”
Love covers a multitude of sins. We all need to pray for our marriages and the marriages of others.
You are attending the Archdiocese of Vancouver’s upcoming Breathe marriage conference. Why?
Being older and a little wiser, we are more aware of possible pitfalls for two people joined together. We know the temptations that the world offers – high and mighty they are too – often bringing discord or dissatisfaction within this life of marriage. We want to better our relationship. God in his mercy, wisdom, and perfect love, through his church, has given us an opportunity with the conference. Whether young or old, we all could use encouragement and help.
What thoughts or advice do you have for young people preparing for marriage?
Know thyself well and know your intended well. Stay chaste. Be very close to the Lord. Jesus has “good wine” to serve us in our lives! Young couples need to have prayer and support from good family and friends. I’d also add, each should be content with what God has provided, not pressuring the other for bigger and better wants: house, car, furnishings, etc. Live with appreciation and within your means.
How important is it that you share faith?
It’s very important. We share a strong faith, sometimes differing thoughts or views, but the same faith and trust in God. We can uplift, encourage and pray for one another. Certainly, there are marriages where the couple do not share the same faith, but often one will be converted by the good example of the other. Sharing belief that Jesus is Lord, knowing that he’s the one each can run to when life is hard ... it is the Lord who brought us together and wants to shower us with what we need to love him above all, and to love one another. We praise God and pray for our marriage and for all marriages, yours included!