How the pandemic is wearing down priests and what we can do about it

It’s likely we have all experienced “traumatic distress” in some form or another since the start of the pandemic, and priests are no exception, according to Father Stephan Kappler.

Father Kappler is president and chief psychologist at Southdown, an Ontario-based organization that supports the mental health of religious people and clergy. He said the various layers of the pandemic and restrictions, now stretching into a second year, can lead to serious effects on stress levels, bodies, and minds.

“Most of the time when trauma happens, it’s an event, and you react to it and deal with it, but this has been going on now for months and months of up and down and continuous distress,” he said. “I think it’s playing havoc on all of us.”

It’s especially creating turmoil on some Catholic priests. He said in the last 15 months many have reported feelings of loss of identity.

“What has really affected and is affecting priests in a particular way is the idea that a big part of who I am is connected to my ministry and to me pastorally reaching out to the people of God,” he said.

During the pandemic some have found preaching to empty pews, being unable to visit people who are ill or shut-in, cancelling events, and not hearing a congregation sing “particularly difficult.” 

Another heavy burden many pastors have found themselves carrying is ensuring staff and parishioners follow the health and safety precautions required of churches.

“Many have said to me, ‘we never thought that we would become the police officer in the parish,’” he said. “Instead of caring pastorally for their people, all they are doing is saying, ‘No, sorry, you have to register.’”

Others have felt the strain of being criticized from both sides, by some parishioners for being too strict and others by being not severe enough. In addition to that, the huge adjustment to using new technologies to keep livestreams and communications going since March of 2020 has been greatly wearing down some pastors.

Father Kappler gave a virtual presentation to clergy in the Archdiocese of Vancouver May 13, offering strategies for coping with the pandemic. A day before his talk, he shared with The B.C. Catholic some ways priests can help themselves in times of traumatic distress.

“What I have seen work is for people to be really intentional about social support. In other words, you have to make an effort and plan to reach out and connect,” he said.

Isolation and loneliness for extended periods “usually does not feed positive or adaptive strategies,” he said. “They usually feed into things that are maladaptive like too much alcohol consumption or other numbing things.”

He encouraged pastors to set aside time for quality conversations with people they trust, take each day at a time, stay grounded in Jesus, and seek help if they need it.

“There is a high percentage of us clergy that are perfectionists. Perfectionism is on the one hand a good thing because it makes you efficient, responsible, and you want to do things that are a very high standard, but it also comes at a pretty high cost, and that cost is that there is no room for weakness,” said Father Kappler.

While people in general have difficulty asking for help, the problem is worse for clergy, he said. “I have experienced that with priests, it’s exponentially more challenging to say ‘I need help.’ Sometimes priests are put on a pedestal and there’s still stigma attached to mental health.”

His presentation included break-out sessions where priests could talk in small groups about how the pandemic has affected them personally.

“My hope,” said Father Kappler, “is to tell brother priests across the country: ‘it’s okay. We don’t need to be perfect. It’s okay to be human.’ It’s okay to say, ‘I’m struggling, I need some help’ or ‘I could use some support.’”

Father Kappler also offers suggestions for lay people hoping to support their pastors.

For parishioners who may not know their priests closely, he suggests writing a card or letter with a simple message of encouragement, assurance of one’s prayers, and a possible offer of support.

“Just to know that you’re thought of and you’re not alone in this, that goes a long way,” he said.

People who know their pastors a little better might, depending on their comfort levels, drop off a meal, invite their priest to a virtual community prayer group, or plan a small outdoor gathering. “Whatever it is that people can do with each other that helps them to be vulnerable, to be honest, and to know they are not alone in this.”

Father Kappler added that while the pandemic may be exhausting many people, he has seen some silver linings, such as encouraging creativity in how pastors connect with their flocks, using new technologies to make video calls and stream Masses. Others have ramped up how often they phone or email each other.

The digital element has also helped some communities extend their reach further.

“We realized we can connect with a lot of people virtually and reach people in geographical areas that we have never reached before.”

Four ways to cope with traumatic distress for priests and lay people

Create structure
Let structure become your good friend, said Father Kappler. In a time of uncertainty and change, set aside time for connection with others, prayer, gratitude journaling, or other healthy coping strategies.

Take one day at a time
Take each day as it comes. When your mind starts wandering, worrying, and filling with anxiety, bring it back to the present moment. “As people of faith, bring it back to the here and now with the Lord, reminding ourselves that we are grounded in Jesus, that there is an anchor for us.”

Be intentional about quality time
Bumping into people at home or in the rectory does not count as quality time. “You can share the same space but never have a good supportive time with each other,” said Father Kappler. He suggests setting aside dedicated time to have a conversation with family members over a meal, plan a Zoom happy hour to check in with friends, or do something else that leads to quality time with people you trust. “The point is to really be intentional.”

Get help if you need it
There are plenty of mental health supports out there, said Father Kappler. Southdown has recently become licensed to offer virtual psychotherapy in B.C. and has opened a “virtual walk-in clinic” for priests, religious, and lay ministers. The Archdiocese of Vancouver has a listing of local Catholic counsellors for anyone at www.rcav.org/personal-counselling.

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