In my previous article, I mentioned this Lent I am participating in a retreat-style book study with some friends. We are listening to podcasts on “Abiding Together” by Michelle Benzinger, Sister Miriam James Heidland, and Heather Khym, and reading The Return of the Prodigal Son by Father Henri J. M. Nouwen. Our first discussion, on Shrove Tuesday, focussed significantly on the topic of being observers.
I think I’m safe in saying all Christians know the parable of the Prodigal Son: the rebellious younger son; the loyal older son; the unconditional love and forgiveness of the father who celebrates his lost child’s return; and the ensuing jealousy of the child who had been steadfast and true.
Many are probably also familiar with Rembrandt’s painting based on the parable and focusing on the wayward son’s return home. Nouwen was first exposed to this painting during a tiring period of discernment. He became very intrigued – almost mesmerized – by the painting, not only because of the forgiving father-son reunion, but also because of four others included in the scene.
Until reading Nouwen’s book, I had not properly examined the painting. My observation had always rested on the image of reconciliation. Now, I realize that the other figures are meant to capture our attention almost as much as the featured characters. While the father and son feature prominently in the painting, they are not at its centre. Accentuated by light, they rest on the painting’s left with a woman barely visible behind them, while the elder, jealous son looks on from the right. Yet, at the painting’s centre, are two others. Each of the four onlookers captured Nouwen’s heart and I now, too, recognize that they are placed strategically into the midst of the family dynamic to appeal to each of us, as we journey towards the Father’s embrace.
As Nouwen states, “Their way of looking leaves you wondering how they think or feel about what they are watching. These bystanders, or observers, allow for all sorts of interpretations. As I reflect on my own journey, I become more and more aware of how long I have played the role of observer.” He goes on to ask, “had I, myself, really ever dared to … kneel down, and let myself be held by a forgiving God?”
I have often allowed the fear of physical danger, or even the fear of emotional vulnerability, to prevent me from really immersing myself in my life and in my relationships. In order to feel safe, I often seek situations or positions in which I have a sense of control. For me, this safety net can either be “doing” rather than “being” – running around at a dinner party, serving and cleaning, rather than savouring time with people – or sitting on the sidelines of a larger group watching, rather than joining or getting involved, in other people’s interactions.
Feeling called to delve deeper into his faith journey, Nouwen admits, “Giving up the somewhat safe position of the critical observer seemed like a great leap into totally unknown territory.”
Aren’t we all called to give up the “safe” positions in our spiritual lives? We need to examine our consciences, be present in our relationships with God and each other, and accept the fact that God, Himself, is in control. As Michelle Benzinger states, we are given the “invitation to be real people in our own stories, not just observers.”
My retreat friends all concurred that we don’t take enough time to simply “be.” While it is often easier to keep busy rather than to take risks of the heart – to watch life happening around us rather than truly immersing ourselves in the moments – we are called to stop hiding behind the veil of observation.
Like the onlookers in Rembrandt’s painting, I have been in the presence of the Father, I have seen and even felt his touch, but I have yet to fully trust or surrender to his loving arms.
We all long to be held securely by our heavenly Father – the One who knows, accepts, and loves everything about us. We need to take risks – to be “real” participants in our lives – as we journey toward what Nouwen calls the “eternal embrace” of “coming home.”