The ‘teacher dream’ is scary enough; don’t let COVID add to it

After being hired for my first teaching job, I was unsuspectingly introduced to a summertime phenomenon, known simply as the “teacher dream.” 

For me, this dream isn’t recurring, but I experience visions of school scenarios ridden with the overwhelming theme of panic. 

Sometimes in these dreams (probably more aptly termed “nightmares”) I am stuck in an airport, trying to get back to the kids in my classroom. Other times, the students and I are all there, but we have no desks or supplies. Most of the time I dream some variation of a situation in which I have forgotten to go to school until the last minute and I am simply not prepared for what – and who - expectantly waits for me.

This August, I had a teacher dream like no other. In it, a colleague and I were on “bathroom duty” and our job was to ensure that only one person was in the washroom at a time.

We had a pylon in front of the door and children obediently lined up behind it, two metres apart. It was going smoothly until I peeked into the washroom to discover several little girls crowded into the tiny facility. I could not understand how they had avoided the line and missed the social-distancing reminders. The situation quickly got out of control as more and more children kept appearing! 

To make matters worse, when I looked in the next room it was jam-packed with an unmasked group of senior citizens (perhaps from the parish) having a choir practice. 

I woke up in a sweat.

Every job, vocation, and major life change is bound to be accompanied by strange manifestations of our fears. I suppose our restless musings allow us to see that nothing could really be as bad as what happens in our sleep … except for COVID. 

COVID-19 has brought major changes to our world and I am continually realizing that these changes have affected me more than I care to admit. I think the fact that the usual “panic” of a teacher dream transformed into full blown “fear” this year has made me appreciate that fear truly is a part of this school year’s reality.

In August, I participated in the Pray More Healing Retreat through praymorenovenas.com. There were four or five lectures each week from various gifted speakers, all discussing the timely topic of healing. In the third week, Dr. Mary Healy delivered a session entitled, “The Lord Delivers Us from Fear.”

In her talk, she mentioned different kinds of fear and the ways in which Jesus, in his earthly ministry, served to liberate faithful people from their fears. She also directed her listeners to the Bible for continued reassurance and faith, asking, “So how can we be healed of that fear that is so common in human life, and in a particular way is common today?”

Dr. Healy answered the question as follows: “Well, for one thing, we need to establish ourselves in the Word of God. We need to feed on the Word of God … You know how many times Scripture tells us, "Do not fear," or "Fear not," or "Be not afraid?" It just so happens to be 365 times. The Lord knew we needed to hear it every day.”

She also stated, “So, in faith, we need to be honest with our fears. Really, that's the first step, to acknowledge the fears we have. Sometimes we try to keep them hidden.”

Dr. Healy encouraged us to “let [the Lord] know what is weighing on our hearts and ask him to replace that fear with faith.”

Everything about 2020 is unprecedented and the coming school year is no exception. I may not feel prepared, but I am definitely not dreaming. 

As surreal as it feels, I must “ask him to replace that fear with faith.” Hiding behind a mask and shield, I will offer my fear to the Lord, praying for safety and strength for all, and looking to Scripture each day for reminders to “be not afraid.” 

I am a teacher and I must not permit the nightmare of COVID-19 to change my love for this profession, nor the little ones who expectantly watch and wait to see how I respond to our new reality.