Negativity is contagious, but so is positivity

Do you ever watch the evening news and then lie awake in shock? Lately, I find that just when I think we have reached a new low, something worse happens. Around the world – and even in our own neighbourhoods – we hear of tragic deaths, persecutions, anxiety, abuse, arguments, and the list goes on.

And if the news is filled with tragedy, the opinions on social media only fuel the fire.

Social media, while wonderful for instant communication and staying connected with loved ones, has become rife with opinions in place of facts, and judgment instead of tolerance. 

I hate to date myself, but most communication when I was a teen and young adult had to go through several editors before it became public. This may have sheltered many of us from the world’s true nature (or subjected us to the choices of the editors, for better or for worse), but at least people with some qualifications were making the decisions about what people read and heard. My own children are living in a very different time.

I strive to avoid the negativity of social media. I skim past posts filled with venting or passive aggressive comments, preferring to “like” things such as recipes from friends and my cousins’ family photos. I also follow a few authors whose posts contain well-written and thought-provoking reflections on life.

One such author is a man named John O’Leary. I have written about him before, following his talk at the Catholic Educators’ Conference in 2019. O’Leary, author of On Fire and In Awe, is an international speaker who survived a devastating accident as a young child and has grown up with an amazing perspective on life, gratitude, and faith. His Live Inspired podcast and his Instagram posts are, as the brand name implies, inspiring. His recent post “One thing …” did not disappoint.

O’Leary explained how he still tucks his pre-adolescent and adolescent kids into bed each night. He prays with them and then asks them the following three questions: “1. Where did you see kindness today? 2. Where were you kindness to someone else? and 3. What’s one cool thing you learned today?”

O’Leary noted that his children “know the questions are coming each night … so it makes them look for the answers throughout the day.”

Of course, as a teacher, I appreciate that learning is considered positive – “cool” – in the O’Leary home and that the children are invited to share what they find intriguing.

As a parent, raising children in a world inundated with negative, self-centred, materialistic perspectives, I find O’Leary’s unexpected use of the noun “kindness,” as something one can “be,” refreshing. Rather than asking, “When were you kind?” he asks his children when they embodied kindness – when they “were [examples of] kindness” itself. I wish I had adopted a similar ritual with my own children.

O’Leary didn’t write his post to make people feel guilty about lost opportunities. As with everything he publishes, he writes to inspire. Even if I didn’t make a deliberate effort to “see and be” kindness in the world yesterday, what prevents me from starting today?

I’m sure O’Leary’s kids are typical, imperfect people like the rest of us. They must have bad days, as we all do; however, on their bad days, the O’Leary kids look for good things and opportunities for good works – and they’re held accountable for doing so.

Negativity is contagious, yet so is positivity. Positivity likewise acts as a salve to wounds inflicted by the difficulties we all experience.

While I’m inspired by the way he interacts with and raises his children, I am likewise impressed by the benefits O’Leary himself presumably receives from this nightly ritual. I’m guessing that if he asks his children those three questions each night, then he too probably seeks answers to the same questions as he navigates through his days.

Additionally, since he has four children and a wife, O’Leary adds a minimum of eight examples of kindness and four cool discoveries to his own list each night. His post was called “One thing…,” but John O’Leary obviously ends his days with far more than one positive thought on his mind.

Thanks to the 11 o’clock news and social media rants, I usually fall into bed worrying rather than pondering kindness and gratitude. Inspired by John O’Leary, I intend to change this.