The first person we need to be patient with is oneself. St. Francis de Sales never tired of advising the use of patience with oneself. He frequently said that “patience is the virtue which tends most of any to perfection; and if we need it with others, we need it equally with ourselves. Those who aim at the love of God need patience with themselves even more than with others.”
St. Francis de Sales was opposed to hurry and overeagerness. Even after sinning, we should rise up quietly, gently and calmly. He said, “When we fall from some sudden outburst of self-love, or of passion, let us as soon as possible humble ourselves before God, saying with confidence, ‘O Lord, mend the broken net of love, and go on with our work.’ When we discover that our lute is out of tune, we must neither break the strings nor throw the instrument aside. Rather we must listen attentively to find out what is the cause of the discord, and then gently tighten or slacken the strings, according as the mischief requires.”
The saint added: “It is quite true that we ought to judge ourselves with firmness. But just as a judge who gives a hasty sentence or lets himself be swayed by passion, runs the risk of committing an injustice, which would not happen if he gave time to reason; so if we would judge ourselves fairly, it must be with a gentle, peaceful mind, never in a fit of anger, nor when so upset as hardly to know what we are doing.”
Regarding patience toward others, Bishop Jean Pierre Camus wrote: “Francois believed that when we are talking with others we should try to please them and show that their conversation is agreeable to us. And when we are alone we should take pleasure in solitude. Unfortunately, however, our minds are so inconsistent that we are often looking behind us like Lot’s wife. In company we sigh for solitude, and in solitude we long for conversation. The wise and reasonable thing is to enjoy recreation in due season, and also enjoy study, prayer, silence and work at their appointed times.”
St. Francis de Sales used to say that cannon balls are deadened by sacks of wool, though they destroy all the hard things they hit. A soft answer turns away wrath, as water puts out fire.
Bishop Camus wrote, “The patient people are those who easily adjust themselves to the will of others, and as a result others more easily submit to their will.”
St. Francis de Sales was opposed to the attempt to do several things at once. He said, “Be not of those who think perfection consists in undertaking many things, but of those who place it in doing well what little they do, for it is much better to do little and do it well, than to undertake much and do it ill.”
This saint passed many hours patiently with poor people who occupied him about things of seemingly little account. When it was said to him that it was not well for him to lose so much time on trifles, he answered: “Their little troubles are very great to them and they are very much in need of help. God knows that I am not cut out for greater works. All chores are alike to me as long as they are performed in God’s service. And while I am preoccupied with little things, I am not required to do greater things. What is a greater undertaking at any time than God’s will? Surely the little things become great when they are performed with a true desire to please God. For He measures our service, not by its own merits, but by the love with which it is accomplished.”
Bishop Camus wrote, “The whole life of a true Christian is one long period of patient suffering. The world is simply a vast quarry where the living stones of heavenly Jerusalem are cut and shaped.”
聖人煉鍛耐心
我們要能有耐心對待的首位是我們自己。聖方濟各、沙雷氏永不倦勸勉的是對一己的耐心。他經常說：『耐心是一個德行能使人得臻大多數完美，如果為他人的緣故我們需要它，為我們自己也同樣需要。那些以天主的愛為目標的人，對自己耐心，比對他人耐心更為重要。』
聖方濟各、沙雷氏反對急促和過份的渴求。甚至在犯罪後，我們也應，平緩地，平靜地，默默地站起來。他說：『當我們在一些特發的自私的愛或激情絆倒，讓我們盡快在天主面前謙虛自己，自信地說：「我主，給我縫補這破爛的的愛網，讓我們工作得以繼續。」當我們發現我們的弦琴失調了，我們不應剪斷絃線或棄置弦琴。反之我們應細加聆聽找出失調原因，然後按音調所需，平穩地收緊或放鬆弦線。』
聖人補充說：『我們應該嚴謹地去評審自己是十分真確的。就如一位法官，如果他倉促判案或讓自己按情緒而左右搖擺，就可能會犯下不公平的過失！若他能多花時間去問理，這不公便不會發生。所以，如果我們公平地審判自己，它應是平緩的，理智平和的，永不要在憤怒中或在氣憤中，因為這時我們不會知道自己做的是什麼。 』
有關耐心對他人的方面，加繆主教寫道：『方濟各相信當我們和他人說話的時候，我們要嘗試要讓他們喜悅，並表示他們的交談是令人愉快的。當我們獨處的時候，我們也要在單獨找到喜悅。不幸地，我們的思潮是那麼的反復無常的，致使我們不時轉頭回看，一如羅德的妻子。在有人相伴時我們為未能獨處而嘆息，在獨處時我們又希望能有人交談。智慧和合理的是，是在適當時段享受消閑，同樣在那些指定的時候享受學習，祈禱和靜寂。』
聖方濟各、沙雷氏慣常說，雖然炮彈能夠破壞被擊中的硬物，一袋一袋的毛線能夠制止火炮炮彈。一個柔軟的答案可以制止忿怒，一如，水能滅火。加繆主教寫道：『有耐心的人能夠容易地按他人的意願調整，結果是他人更容易接納他們的意見。』
聖方濟各、沙雷氏反對一次過作不同事物的嘗試。他說：『不要作想成全是在於承擔很多的事情的人，但要作個想成全是要把做的小量的事情做得好的人。因為做得好而少做一點，比做得多而做得不好的更為可取。』
這位聖人花了很多時間耐心地與貧苦的人在一起，他所做的都似是無甚重要。當有人對他說花上這樣多的時間在瑣碎的事上對他不會好的，他回答說：『這些小小的困難對他們來說是十分重大的，而且他們十分需要幫忙。天主知道我不是要做大事的。只要是為天主而做的事，所有煩瑣的對我來說都沒有分別。當我為小事所佔據時我不需要做更大的事。無論何時，有什麼工作比天主的旨意可以更大呢？真的，如果我們能夠有真的意願為悅樂天主而做，所有小的事情都變成大了。因為祂衡量我們的服務，不是按它的功勳，而是按它注入的愛。』
加繆主教寫道：『真正基督信徒的一整個生命是一段長時間苦難的忍耐。這世界簡單的是一個大的石礦場，天上耶路撒冷的活石都是在那裡形成和採集。』