Infant Loss Month: tears and trust kept Mary standing at cross

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, and Oct. 15 is International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

The Lord gathers us in the middle of the month dedicated to Our Lady of the Rosary, our archdiocese’s patroness, to recall the loss of those precious little ones of ours whose coming into being at conception was warmly welcomed but did not come to birth, and the loss of those infants whose life with their parents was all too brief.

The expectations and joys of pregnancy, the months of planning not just for the birth of your child but for his or her life in the years to come, and, in some cases, the premature death of your child – all of this hope was cut short and replaced with untold pain and grief. In such situations, even for women and men of faith, questions inevitably arise: “Why our little one? Why us?” No greater test of faith can be asked of a person than that of seeing the hand of God in such circumstances.

I always think here of Mary, who, at the foot of the cross, made her second fiat or “yes” of trust in God’s plan, perhaps even greater than the first fiat she uttered as a young girl in her home at Nazareth.

On Calvary she is mature, honed already by the trials of life – her exile in Egypt, her son’s being lost in the temple, her being largely on the margins of his public ministry. Yet here the hill she had to grasp with the light of faith that her Jesus’ tortuous death was indeed his will and the Father’s will for the salvation of the world.

Tears and trust in God’s merciful love – no easy feat for her – is what kept Mary standing.

For reasons we shall never understand in this life, the Lord chose to bring your child into the fullness of eternal life with him, without passing through the pilgrimage of earthly life.

When a baby dies before it is born or soon after birth, parents are burdened with the task of saying goodbye to someone they barely had a chance to know but whom they loved with a love beyond all telling. In the company of the angels and saints – and with your little ones before the throne of God – this is a time for you, and for all of us, to remember each little one by name, just as the Lord himself holds them forever close to his heart.

We live in a culture that doesn’t deal well with death, especially with pregnancy loss and infant death. Losing an infant is so unthinkable and shocking that many don’t want to, or can’t, talk about it. We know this is not the right road to take. Parents and family and friends who surround them should not shut out the pain or never mention their loss. On the contrary, they should talk openly about the baby who has died and recognize the parents’ pain.

All of us join in prayer with you and for you, dear parents, relatives and friends, who mourn, sometimes even after many years, the loss of your child. It is my hope that our promise of prayer and solidarity will bring you consolation and renewed hope in the eternal life the good Lord promises to those who are blameless in his sight and whom he has called to himself, even though this is not the time we would have chosen.

This excerpt is from Archbishop Miller’s homily delivered at Gardens of Gethsemani Oct. 15, 2018.