Berry picking, playing games, and visiting family are ways to create memories for children, especially when mom’s away, writes Scott Roy. (Pixabay photo)
Colleen has only been away at camp with Madalen for a mere
six days and I’ve already hijacked her Homefront column! I’ll try to make the
most of it, so for this week’s edition I’ll put a male spin on things and share
my top five survival tips for when your wife goes away.
Let me frame these tips by saying I’ve discovered a deeper “missing” of Colleen
than I’ve noticed before. And, it’s more than just realizing how much she does
for our family that cannot be limited to cooking meals, doing laundry, and
bandaging up the kids (although, one quickly realizes how much our wives do for
us, practically speaking). I appreciate her for who she is, not just what she
does.
The ’80s pop singer Paul Young said it well: “Every time you go away, you take
a piece of me with you.” But, I believe Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI said it even
better in his book In the Beginning: “Human beings are relational, and
they possess their lives – themselves – only by way of relationship … to be
truly a human being means to be related in love, to be of and for.”
(emphasis in original)
That’s the sense I have, that bound up in Colleen is part of my identity, which
makes sense because our stories are so interwoven.
So, these survival tips have both a “count down the days until they’re back”
and a “token of appreciation” character to them.
The first tip plays into the countdown motif. Since I have other kids and they
are also missing mom and sis, I marked on our calendar when they will be
returning with a large “X” and we cross off each day that passes. Whoever
coined the phrase “a watched pot never boils” is wrong. It does boil. And,
trust me, if you look at the calendar every day, they will return! One benefit
is that the kids don’t ask every five minutes about when mom gets back.
For the second, I suggest fermenting something. Anything. This is the art of distraction.
Whereas the first tip focuses directly upon the length of absence, this second
one gives us something to do to take our minds off it. Someone once said, “when
life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” We added a twist. When a kind lady from
the local parish gave us a tonne of plums, we decided to make plum wine. Well,
we’re trying. I’ll let you know how it turns out.
The third: establish or maintain a good routine. Kids thrive on routines, and
with mom gone, it’s great for them to have that sense of order. Now, I’m not
suggesting running drills with a whistle like Georg Von Trapp in the Sound of Music. In our home, while we
have normal routines like chores and responsibilities, we’ve tried to frame the
day in prayer by way of touchpoints with God. In the spirit of a kind of “Domestic
Church Liturgy,” we pray the Morning Offering, the Angelus, mealtime
thanksgivings, an evening Rosary, and night prayers. We’re not perfect about
it, but it’s our aim. Guys, by establishing some kind of routine – especially
with a spiritual element – not only will your kids have security, but your
wives will return to a home that’s been seasoned by prayer.
The fourth tip is to fix or clean something. If you’ve truly discovered how
much you appreciate her, then translate that into various tokens of
appreciation. I suggest putting that masculine genius to work by accomplishing
tasks that have been constantly put off (and probably drive her up the wall).
Let me clarify – I’m not suggesting that the tools make the man. Masculinity is
more mysteriously wrapped up in the self-gift of man to his wife, which just
might require the know-how to work some of those tools. The key is rightly
ordering tools, machines, and fixing things to self-gift.
Each day since Colleen left, the kids and I have chosen a room of the house to
totally clean up and fix whatever is broken in it. We’re hoping to go through
the whole house by the time she’s back. Don’t tell her, it’s a surprise.
Finally, find some fun things to do each day with the kids. Whether it’s going
out for ice cream or playing games, visiting Grandma and Grandpa, or going
blueberry picking, give them some memories. They’ll have distractions from
missing mom so much, and lots of things to tell her when she gets back.
After this article, I’m sure you miss Colleen as much as we do. And, as I
learned, we appreciate someone more when they’re gone. I also have more of an
appreciation for her articles. This is not as easy as she makes it look. Thanks
for letting me share that with you!
Scott Roy is director of admissions at Catholic Pacific College.