Letters: palliative care is about listening; don’t talk, pray; 

I am a retired nurse who worked in palliative care settings for almost 25 years, in hospitals and in clients’ own homes. In all those years I have seen only one instance where doctors were unable to control a person’s pain.

I have seen many instances where once clients begin to trust, they could open up and allow reconciliation with family members or friends. They learned to forgive. That can make such a big difference in a peaceful death.

Hospice workers are able to help clients through the dying process with compassionate care if we but take the time to listen, really listen. At times they do not need a response from us, but only need us to listen as they work through things themselves in a comfortable setting.

I have many stories I could tell of clients. There was one couple who arrived on our ward requesting euthanasia. We refused and explained what palliative care was. However, each new nurse who came on duty was asked the same question. “Would you help me to die?”

I was asked several times. One morning I decided to confront the question. I said, “You mean right now?” She immediately said, “No, no, but sometime in the future if I am in a lot of pain or see the fear in my husband’s eyes.” She needed someone to listen to her fears. She died a peaceful death with her husband by her side.

A very young lady in a wheelchair who had MS requested euthanasia several times. A very caring doctor took the time to sit down with her and listen to her fears. Her greatest fear was that she would die choking to death. His honest answer was that it was a possibility, but it could be controlled with proper sedation, so she wouldn’t be aware of it.

Once reassured she phoned her friend and he took her out in her wheelchair to a dance. She returned smiling and happy and lived her remaining days to the fullest, never asking about euthanasia again.

Another lady came to palliative care in pain and very sick. The prognosis was not good. Her greatest wish was to be able to attend her only daughter’s wedding in a couple of months’ time. Her pain and symptoms were controlled and she slowly improved. She received a day pass from her doctor and was able to attend the wedding. I had the privilege of helping her dress for the wedding. She was so excited. She returned very tired but also very happy.

After being discharged, she would visit us with pictures. She was admitted again but was able to see her first granddaughter born. Again she was discharged and able to be present for the first birthday.

Most clients are in shock when they find out they have a terminal illness and require time to go through their emotions without making spur-of-the-moment decisions. They need time for spiritual reflection and time to tell their stories. They need a good listener. They should not feel they are being a burden to their families. They need time to re-connect. They need time for forgiveness.

Euthanasia is morally wrong. It is discriminatory against seniors, the  handicapped, and those with mental illness.

Sylvia Krueger
Delta

I appreciated Father Hawkswell’s homily “Thou shalt not talk in church, says Pope Francis.” I too agree that we have lost the reverence for Christ in the tabernacle which separates us from other churches.

Many believers in Christ do not understand why, when they come into a Catholic church, so many are sitting by themselves, quietly praying and reading the word of God. Some think we are not welcoming people at all. On the other hand, in their churches arriving early for service means they have time to mingle and catch up with the week’s activities.

However, I have a comment on something that has weighed heavily on my heart for a long time. I personally was at a wedding where the family and friends were becoming quite loud before the actual ceremony started. You could feel the love and anticipation for the upcoming wedding. 

Many of the people in attendance were non-Catholics and what one would call fallen-away Catholics. While they may or may not have known that Christ was in the tabernacle, they were pleased to visit with each other and catch up in their love and friendship for the happy couple in anticipation of the wedding ceremony.

Rather than a priest coming out of the sacristy and reprimanding the people, I suggest he could gently ask them to hush and remember where we are, that Jesus is present in the tabernacle and ask them to pray quietly for the happy couple as they move forward in life, as they will certainly need it.

I believe that the sacraments of the church are beautiful opportunities to touch the lives of all in attendance and in some way hear the call of Christ.

Geraldine Campbell
New Westminster

Re Alan Charlton’s March 19 review of the film The Shape of Water:

Alan concludes his review by stating: “I’d rather see Disney’s Beauty and the Beast.  It really is a matter of taste.”

But his own review and the scenes of masturbation and sex he described shows this film to be a pornographic film that no one should see, and this is what The B.C. Catholic should have said.

The newspaper can’t take a neutral position on this film because it isn’t just a matter of taste whether or not to see this film. In stating that it is, you may be an occasion of sin for readers who go and see this film who would not have gone if it had been properly condemned for what it is.

(Notwithstanding the above I think The B.C. Catholic is a good paper and you are doing a great job.)

Hector Frith