Heated LGBTQ debate better than none: Courage deacon

NEW WESTMINSTER—It’s tough to start conversations about LGBTQ issues in a Catholic church these days.

Deacon Hilmar Pabel, who has been trying to do just that for the last year, faced a respectful, but tense crowd at St. Peter’s Church in New Westminster Feb. 8. And it’s not the first time.

“The response did not surprise me intellectually, but psychologically it was a challenge,” said Deacon Pabel, who heads up the local chapter of Courage, a pastoral ministry to Catholics with unwanted same-sex attraction.

During a presentation on the Church’s teaching on LGBTQ issues that day, he fielded pointed questions from 40 audience members, most of whom appeared to support same-sex marriage, gender transitioning, and other issues the Church finds morally problematic.

“It’s hard to witness to Church teaching within the Church and not be able to have the support of fellow Catholics,” he told The B.C. Catholic. “It’s as if I’m a voice crying in the wilderness.”

That two-hour event at St. Peter’s was his first town hall style meeting, but it’s not the first time he’s spoken in public about the issue. Since he took charge of Courage about a year ago, he’s given several 10-minute homilies about the ministry at various churches.

He’s faced opposition from the other side of the debate as well. One of his homilies on compassion toward the same-sex attracted was interrupted by a man who stood up, yelled that the Church is opposed to same-sex relationships, and walked out.

Deacon Pabel said while it is difficult to bring up subjects that pertain to LGBTQ individuals, it’s far better than not having the conversation at all. “It's much easier to leave aside controversy than to face it,” he said.

“The disadvantages of our silence are overwhelming, however. We miss opportunities to learn what the Church teaches and why it teaches it.  We miss opportunities to think ecclesially and are left with paradigms that are not always (or ever) consistent with revelation.  Most unfortunately, we sideline men and women with same-sex attraction. Their stories and struggles go unheard.”

His presentation at St. Peter’s gave him a chance to hear about the personal struggles of LGBTQ people few other churchgoers hear. One audience member cried while talking about a gay brother who was so afraid to tell his family he considered suicide. Another shed tears while talking about suffering two broken marriages and being told to commit suicide rather than go through with a gender transition.

“My experience in Courage continues to teach me an important lesson about ministry: we suffer with and for those whom we serve,” said Deacon Pabel.

“The misunderstanding and the rejection that I sometimes feel from various quarters as I coordinate Courage is only a shadow of what my friends in Courage and gay people generally experience.”

With that in consideration, he assured the audience that all people are children of God and loved by him. As he tackled difficult questions, he emphasized the need for both truth and love in the debate.

“God’s good news for sexual intimacy, as revealed to us in Scripture and in the Church’s tradition, reserves the expression of sexual love to one woman and one man married to each other,” he said during his talk at St. Peter’s.

“Where does God’s plan leave men and women who experience same-sex attraction? Dishonoured? Disrespected? No! As our beloved brothers and sisters in Christ, gay Catholics ought not to be dishonoured and disrespected in the Church by us. God’s good news is good news for all.”

He said those who are attracted to members of the same sex should aspire toward chastity.

“As a necessary consequence of God’s plan for sexual love is a call for chastity for men and women who experience same-sex attraction. Chastity is a virtue of Christian discipleship, a form of positive self-control, and belongs to what St. Paul calls the fruit of the Holy Spirit along with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, and gentleness.”

It’s a virtue that must be practised by all – “wives and husbands, widows and widowers, priests and men and women in religious life, those who will marry one day and those who will never marry.”

Courage was founded in the U.S. in 1980. It has been running in Vancouver since 1988, providing a community for people with unwanted same-sex attraction to talk about their experiences and struggles and be encouraged in their efforts to be chaste, form healthy friendships, and receive the sacraments of reconciliation and the Eucharist.

The conversation about LGBTQ issues has been far too “readily avoided” in the Church in the past, said Deacon Pabel. “I go on in courage.”