After a friend asked her who she was trying to impress, Julie VanSpall had to admit “I do care about what others think and I have often been too proud to admit that I take on too much.” (Pexels photo)
Lately, I have been praying for the ability to be in touch with my motives in life. Generally, I feel that I come from a good place. I try to do my best because I care about people and I take pride in what I do; however, life can become overwhelming. After dropping quite a few of the balls I’ve been trying to juggle this spring, I vented some of my feelings to a close friend. Her response was honest.
She told me that I should stop trying to impress people. When I stated that I am trying to impress no one, she added that maybe I am trying to impress myself by setting unreasonable standards.
I pondered her words for several days. They weren’t easy to hear, but I needed to hear them to examine my heart.
Maybe, in attempting to never let anyone down, I am trying to impress myself or others. There’s a difference between being joyfully reliable, and being miserably reliable. There’s a difference between flying under the radar in the act of multi-tasking, and listing off an exhaustive to-do list to anyone who will listen.
Obviously some activities in life are not really choices. We all have commitments we must keep. We are likewise called to give of our time, talent, and treasure, but not to the point that we are tempted to put on a martyr act. It’s that “martyr act” which causes negativity to brood within.
I know that since I started examining my motives, I have said “No” to a few requests from others. I definitely felt torn in making these decisions because I wanted to help, but due to the busyness of the end of a school year, I felt that it was prudent to budget my energy more efficiently.
During my prayers, I have also asked myself why I am doing each thing that I have chosen to keep on my plate. Usually, the answer is that I’m doing these things for my children because being there for them is truly joyful for me. I love being present for the highs and the lows. I need to remain focused on that joy.
Jesus said, “… when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you may not appear to others to be fasting” (Mt 6: 17) and this can apply to any good act. Whether I’m busy or not, I should approach each task in my day with a fresh attitude – a clean face – an awareness of my true motives. Each activity and each person I meet deserves my best self, not the half-hearted spirit of one who is feeling “put-upon.”
I haven’t been intentionally trying to impress anyone, nor have I been intentionally trying to be a martyr; yet, I will admit that I do care about what others think and I have often been too proud to admit that I take on too much. Allowing myself to become aware of these truths and their accompanying negative path has allowed me to take a fork in the road toward a more positive and humble mindset. Prayer will keep reminding me to focus on my true intentions; focusing on the joy in these intentions will help me to follow the higher road.
As Olivia Spears writes, “What marks the difference between self-sacrificial generosity and self-serving generosity is our intent. It comes down to motivation … Namely, it’s a choice between pride and humility.”
Giving with humility is illustrated in this story shared by another dear friend. After leading a retreat, my friend was trusted with a client’s personal story. Touched by this, she mentioned to a colleague that she wanted to thank this client. The colleague listened and simply asked, “Who would that be in service of?” My friend kept her joy in her heart.
Whether we’re conscious of it or not, I think we all desire to be seen favourably in the eyes of others, and even ourselves. To be the people God intends us to be, we need to examine our motives, keep joy in our hearts and, as Olivia Spears reminds us, “… remember that our ultimate goal in this life is to be less attached to the opinion of others and more attached to the Heart of God.”