“Why did I endure so much and stay so long?” asks the writer of this column on domestic abuse. “It was mostly out of fear of being killed or separated from my children.” (Domestic Abuse Services website image)
April 26 is the feast of Our Lady of Good Counsel, patron of Domestic Abuse Services (Our Lady of Good Counsel Society), which works with victims of domestic abuse, as well as their abusers. This column was written by a parishioner in the Archdiocese of Vancouver. We are withholding her name. – Editor
Special to The B.C. Catholic
For me, courage is the emotional strength to withstand opposition. This is second nature to me and I would like to share how having continuous courage for decades is possible.
My opposition was an abusive husband and a 19-year marriage with abuse prevalent every day. I could not have survived this without my Catholic faith.
Being so terrified and shaken from years of broken bones, forced miscarriages, trapped in small spaces, name calling, isolated from family and friends, raped, fear of being killed with five eyes-wide-open children, I prayed and made the decision to leave.
Without any services set up for a mom with multiple children leaving domestic violence, both within the Catholic community and city community, I had to go about the hardest decision and journey of my life with only my own thoughts and hanging on to God for dear life.
It is amazing how Dad-like he is when you pause and take the time to notice. This Bible verse from Ezra 10:4 came to my heart. “Rise, then, for this is your duty! We will stand by you, so have courage and take action!” Just like a Dad, telling you to do something for your own good.
Why did I endure so much and stay so long? It was mostly out of fear of being killed or separated from my children. Every time I called for help, I was calling through a broken phone pulled out of the wall. I wanted, prayed, and begged to leave, but with one child always not in my grip I could never leave them behind.
I have seen more courtrooms and heartache than anything else over my three-year court battle.
However, I choose not to stay stuck in the tears, hurt, and darkness. Instead I choose to dance in the light.
I have become readdicted to the heartfelt sermons at church. When our fathers give their homily, I always have an interpretation that sinks right into my heart.
I enjoy learning their stories about family and the way I want to strive to have for my kids.
I have learned that God leaves no one behind, that no one is perfect, and that many prophets will come into our lives with ideas and wisdom. However, we should have filters on and not stray from what God tells us – that life moves forward.
It is such an amazing thing when it feels like the priest is sitting beside you in the pew, nudging you and saying, “Hey, did you get that?” To be constantly reminded that the crucifix I wear protects me and draws me to Jesus, and to keep sending all my heartache to lay upon the cross.
The amount of love and understanding of Scripture is so much bigger and the warmth of the priest leaves you in peace as you go about your week.
The blessings God has given me along my journey have been so special: his son Jesus, and Mother Mary to help me through; many ladies to keep me busy and have the things I need; best friends; fellow parishioners to learn with; and someone who is spiritually stronger than me to instill courage and God's love into my every step.
I have learned to recharge my batteries with unlimited hugs, chocolate chips, and frozen peas cooked only with boiling water poured over them.
I truly feel blessed and am grateful and love everyone who is in my life.
To contact Domestic Abuse Services (Our Lady of Good Counsel Society) call 604-640-7549 or toll free 1-888-833-7733 or visit domesticabuseservices.ca.