Painful experience taught daughter Daisy Chan about suffering, mercy, and the power of prayer

The B.C. Catholic
SURREY



Her mother’s battle with cancer taught one Surrey resident the immense value of her faith.

Daisy Chan, a member of St. Matthew’s Parish, said serving her dying mother taught her much about suffering, love, and salvation.

“Suffering is not just pain; it has value. When we suffer, that’s when we are closest to God,” Daisy said. “When I was suffering during those times with her, I felt so close to Him.”

Her mother, May Chan, had an optimistic disposition and a fighting spirit. She was a stay-at-home mom in Hong Kong when her four daughters were in high school and university. When her husband died, May joined the work force at age 48. She sold the family home, bought a newer apartment, and took care of her family.

“She never complained. She was always such a happy-go-lucky type of person,” Daisy recalled.

In 1994 May moved to Canada, and in 1995 discovered she had breast cancer. It was in an early stage, and she was treated and five years later still cancer-free. However in 2011 doctors found it had returned and spread to her bones and lungs.

May, then 68, returned to Hong Kong to start chemotherapy. She had lived in Surrey for 17 years, though, and started to miss her friends. She returned for a visit in 2012 and decided not to return.

Daisy and her husband then took on transporting her to the hospital for treatments while also working and raising three young daughters. “During the time Mom was sick, I realized I didn’t take things for granted anymore,” Daisy said.

“In the past, I would sigh and drop (my children) off at the ice rink and then have to wait for 45 minutes. When Mom was sick, those 45 minutes were like gold.

“It was time that you can take a deep breath, pull yourself from the intense environment, and really have time to think and to pray. Praying does give you a lot of strength.”

Doctors in Hong Kong had suggested that May’s cancer was likely incurable. In January 2013, Vancouver doctors removed all doubt. She had three months left.

May, who had been living independently until then, moved in with Daisy’s family. The cancer and treatment made her weak. “Eventually I had to go down and sleep with her every night because I knew she didn’t want to be alone.”

Daisy’s three sisters in Hong Kong also made immense sacrifices to care for their dying mother. Though they were working and had families of their own, they coordinated their schedules and vacation time so that for two weeks of every month, one of them was there to see Mom and provide relief for Daisy.

One of them even managed to get permission to work remotely just so she could spend more time on the other side of the globe.

At the end of February, May checked into a hospice. “Every day, she wouldn’t be in the hospice alone. Someone was there with her. We literally accompanied her until the end. I brought my computer to the hospice to work,” she said.

May died April 3, 2013, at age 74. Three years later, Daisy still tears up, over her mother, as she testifies to the lessons her family learned.

“Our suffering unites back into Christ’s sufferings; I really understand that through this whole episode. Seeing her suffering, and I suffered in my own aspect, but it is the benefits, the understanding, the realization, the faith, the prayers; it all comes back together,” Daisy said.

“It builds me up to be a better person. It builds my siblings’ relationships so we are a much tighter group. It gives my kids the understanding what it means to look after your older parents, even though it comes to an end. We have to respect God’s time and God’s plan.”

Her daughter Rachel Wong, 20, said she learned a lot about suffering.

“For me, this is the biggest takeaway: when someone is suffering, the whole family suffers together. But suffering should not be the alarm that jolts us into being thankful for who and what we have,” she said.

“Strive to value all the time you have with your beloved family and friends way before the alarm of suffering goes off.”

Daisy said she has also learned how to pray.

“God’s plan, even though it involves suffering, is His plan, and has got to be the best plan. In the middle of it, it is hard to swallow, but faith carries you through. You have to have the faith to say: ‘I trust that it is a good plan. I trust in You.’

“The Divine Mercy Chaplet (says): ‘Jesus, I trust in You.’ It has been my motto.”